I should not have come here. Chantille Vale, at least, is under
my control. Ivory, apparently, is under Kaedric's. How thoughtful of him
not to trigger the trap until I actually tried to leave. I suppose he
expects me to rail against my imprisonment, now. Which is precisely why I
shall do no such thing. I rather like this Shadow, actually. Who am I to
turn down the opportunity to further practice my skills?
* * *
The time passes somewhat more slowly, now that I am done with my
lessons. There is still refinement to be obtained, of course, but I
cannot loose myself in my studies the way I could when it was all new to
me. Still, there is much about the place that I do not know, more than
enough to keep me occupied. For now, at least. I wonder how long Kaedric
intends to keep me here?
* * *
I threw the cards today, just out of curiosity. Trying to
determine their meaning should keep me busy for a little while, at least.
It was a very strange reading. Father turned up as the force that opposes
me. No real surprise there. Sandr was the past. Also not a surprise.
Cymnea as the near future was odd, though. Caitlin killed her. How can
she affect me? Perhaps I am being too literal. It does not have to be
Cymnea, herself. It may be something stemming from her demise. Caitlin's
rise to Head of House Halybard? Or Queen of the demon underworld? Or
Priestess of the Serpent? Or something else entirely? Trump readings can
be so vague, sometimes. Then we have Benedict, representing the overlying
emotion. Ironic, in a way, since he tends to convey little at all in the
way of emotion. That could be the emotion the cards are speaking of, I
suppose. I do share an equal disdain for sharing my emotions with others.
Caitlin as the personal indicator, however, makes no sense, as far as I
can tell. Perhaps future events will make that one clearer. Kaedric, of
course, appeared for family. Delwin, oddly enough represented my hopes
and fears. That was more true before Ragnarok than it is now, since he is
still safely imprisoned in the Taormin at this time. Perhaps he
represents my concern that the pre-Ragnarok events will repeat themselves?
It is the best explanation that I have been able to think of, thus far.
Sand and Swayvill as the possible outcomes was rather unexpected.
Swayvill makes some sense, given my new rank, but Sand? Why should she
appear? Kaedric is the one whose affairs are involved with her, not I.
What can it mean?
* * *
My dearest husband deigned to pay me a visit today. The
intervening time has done little to improve his mood. Nor, I confess, has
it done much to improve mine. I was certain that after two months, I
could no longer be angered by him. I was apparently mistaken. It is good
to see that he was no more happy than I, however. He had the nerve to
accuse me of exacting petty revenge, when he locked me in this Shadow, not
the other way around. Still, if he finds my actions to be troublesome,
then that is all well and good. I find it somewhat comforting to know
that I can hurt him as much as he can hurt me. At least we are even that
way. He left rather abruptly, but I do not think he will be gone for
long. This is merely the intermission in our little battle. There will
be another round.
* * *
I do not care to dwell on the latest round in our ongoing
argument. Kaedric knows me to a far greater extent than I am comfortable
with. How does he manage to do this? I suspect his prior relationship
with Abigail gives him a bit of an advantage, in this respect. She is my
Shadow, after all. Still, I dislike anyone knowing me that well. It
gives them too much of an advantage.
I will admit that I was amazed to learn that he was hurt by my
leaving for Ivory. How strange. I am not sure what he expected me to do.
I could not have remained, angry as I was. I might have done something I
would regret later. I have inherited Father's temper, after all, and it
was a terrible thing to behold in him. I do not care to have anyone
witness me lose control in such a manner. Especially not Kaedric.
At least we have better defined my role. It should help to avoid
any future... misunderstandings of this sort. Now I simply need to
determine where I wish to spend the rest of my confinement. Not in Chaos,
you may be certain. I have no intention of letting anyone see me looking
as I soon will. Or as I do now, for that matter. I have grown rather
fond of the Ivoran mode of dress for that very reason. One could go
through an entire pregnancy, and no one would be the wiser. But too many
others know of this Shadow for me to want to remain here. The last thing
I want to do is run into someone I know at this point. Perhaps Chantille
Vale? I can keep anyone else from getting in, and speed it up so that no
one in Chaos even notices that I am gone. Wherever I go, it will be good
to have this over with. With luck, the child will be a boy. I have no
desire to go through this more than once.
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