Bastard. He has gone too far this time. He had no right to do
that to me. How can he think I will marry him after that? How can I
consider marrying him, anyway? It has scarcely been a month since I
acknowledged that I cared for him at all. This is far too soon to be
entertaining such ideas. I know that Laughter and Archimedes married
after a span not much longer than that, but still... Love is not enough
reason to marry someone. And after his actions this evening... Damn him,
anyway. And damn me for loving him. Surely this would not be so
difficult if I did not. How could things have gone so wrong? Marriage?
A child? These are not things I saw in my future. Of course, I did not
see love there, either. I would have been better off without it.
Certainly I would not be in the position I now find myself in.
Why is he so insistent on having this child? It is not as though
we could not have another, should we ever choose to. If I ever let him
near me again. Is that what he fears? Or does he simply miss Daegan?
Would he have felt the same if I had learned of this before the past
became the present? Probably. Why else would he have hidden this from me
until now? Obviously, he could not tell me until after he had a body once
more, since before then he could not stop me from eliminating the problem.
If only he had waited one more day, I would have resolved this on my own.
Which is doubtless why he sought my father out as soon as he could. What
would I have done if he had truly died? I do not know. I... Perhaps I
would have had the child then, knowing it was all I had left of Kaedric.
But he is not dead. No, he is busy making offers to Father for my hand in
marriage, and then crippling me. Whatever did he offer Father, to make
him so eager for this match? It does not matter. The last thing I want
to do at this moment is to marry that man, or bear his child. Thank God
for that tournament on the morrow. At least it provides me with an excuse
to leave here for a while, and perhaps the opportunity to rid myself of
this unwelcome passenger. Assuming I have not done so already, by then.
My promise only binds me until tomorrow, after all, and tomorrow is only a
few hours away.
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