I am not to die. The challenges, which I thought were a way to
prove that I was worthy of life, were nothing of the sort. They were to
teach me something. Or so Archimedes claims. I suppose I have learned
something, though. Even here, far from my home and my people, the Spirits
of the Ancestors guide me, and guard me against, among other things, my
own ignorance. What a colossal task THAT must be.
Becoming adjusted to the idea of living is somewhat more difficult
than I had thought. Being assured of death gave me reason to ignore other
concerns that would have been important. Now, I have to think about such
things again, since I'm not about to die. Although, standing here,
holding Cordelia, it becomes easier and easier to adjust to the thought of
living. Though I wonder, will I still feel this way later, when she
begins to grow old? I do not think that Rebmans live as long as those
with the blood of Amber. She will pass on, as did all the others. Will I
then continue to desire life?
It has been many seasons since I took a mortal mate, Spirits. I
remember still the first time, watching my mate wither and die, while I
remained unchanged. I WISHED to die, Spirits, but it was not to be. You
taught me then what it took far too long to understand. I am Killian, who
cannot choose to die, but must be killed.
When she is gone, I will find my own death, where the Shadows grow
twisted, and darkness rules. In Corwin's own words I have heard of it,
the dwelling place of demons, that which threatens Amber, and through it,
my people. There will I Hunt, and find my final peace.
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