Sky.  In less than a week I went from being close to what I
wanted, to losing all that I wanted from Amber.  Perhaps Laughter can
help... someone can help.  I know they can.  I did not mean to dishonor
her... but I cannot kill someone over a game, that I won by luck.  Since
this game has cost me so much, I will win it.  Or die trying.  Perhaps if
I win this game, this jousting tournament.  Who came up with such a
useless idea??  Swordwork has a finesse all its own, as does horsemanship. 
This riding at people with a big stick is ridiculous.  Ah well, it is no
more stupid than Melanie becoming my sister-in-law... if that is
Kaedric's desire, so be it.  I will stand in the wedding with him. 
Perhaps Sky will be willing to dance with me, if there is a party.  If
not, I guess I will just drink with Orrin.  I will have to see if Kaedric
invited him, and suggest it.  I want to be able to watch him... I doubt he
has ever played by the rules... and he likes the restrictions placed upon
him by Dworkin as much as I do.  Although, I think in another life, he and
I could be good friends.  I wonder sometimes... if Dworkin had this in
mind all the time, or not?  I would love to have a chat with Dworkin...
when this tournament is done, I think I will seek him out.  Sooner or
later, he may deign to speak with me.  I would like to know who he is,
beyond being the person that created Amber.

	Corwin, where are you??  Damn it, you would know how to deal with
Sky and Orrin.  Damn.  I am becoming weak.  In Ixaxis, I never needed
anyone, I knew my station and kept within the bounds of that station.  Now
I am without a station, and I know not what I should do or should not do. 
I keep resorting to others to know what is going on...  I must learn as
much as possible.  So much to do... so little time...

	Sky.  You hold my honor... whether you want it or not...

<- Back to the Diary list