I prepare for the upcoming tournament. Somehow, I've gotten both
my mother and father to agree to come without too much trouble. Hopefully
they'll be civil towards each other. And I'm trying to get used to
fighting with this ring on. The encounter with the "rat-dog," as it is
known, with Bleys was unusual. It presented me with this ring which I
later deduced keeps me in touch with Claudio, who has a similar one. I
also managed to get all my new Trumps distributed today.
I have never understood Fiona, we being so different in so many
ways, but when she contacted me, I felt grateful for her concern.
Benedict was not fully dead during the End, so there may exist in him the
potential to regain his memories. Unfortunately, this won't stop me from
interacting with my father. She asked about my child, and we discussed
names. Morgan and Eldred seem to be the front-runners, Eldred being my
grandfather's name. Well, Graham's, anyway.
Returning to Chaos, to Hendrakeways, was unusual. What I remember
from that time before was that Amberites were to be shot on site; now, we
were welcomed with open arms by the Jezetti, more specifically by my Aunt
Gillian. It was good to see her again, and as introductions were made, I
felt a sense of community, a sense of belonging, that I had not felt
I was stunned by the announcement, however, that they had "taken
care of" Sandr. I guess I can't blame Aelle for telling them who it was;
the Ty Dahl was not our most shining hour. But I reeled a bit. I had
given myself up to the uncertainty of his existence, and I was happy with
that. Not that he'd have any idea who I was, or that he was my child's
father. But this...this complicates things. He could be dead by Jezetti
hands. Or it might be part of the initiation that I kill him, or do
something equally horrid, like drink of his blood.
They won't let me know the full truth unless I join them.
And this puts me in a difficult spot. Can I live with the
uncertainty? But then I deny the Jezetti, which is a part of my heritage.
And by joining them I deny myself love. I was certain I'd never love
again. Not after what my foolishness cost me. But when I think about my
child, I wonder how he or she will grow up... Even more unusual than that
is that I'm *feeling* again... Since the Ty Dahl, I had been numb. But I
look around me and see the strength that flows through hands joined, and I
wonder if I might not find that again. I think about Archimedes and
Laughter, and what Claudio might be trying to initiate between himself and
Sky, and I notice that between Amber and Chaos, through an infinity of
Shadow, I'm very much alone.
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