I sit here and contemplate the events of the day.  At one time, I
was as close as I've ever been to knowing my mother, and my background. 
Now I must content myself with a few bits of information, and prepare for
what seems to be a fruitless search for a mother who may or may not have
died.

	While training with my father, he was alerted to an uprising in
the Badlands.  Benedict asked if I wanted to help, and, starving for
adventure, I accompanied him.  He and some others investigated an
outcropping of rock replete with a cave system.  I was chosen to lead the
unit guarding the Queen and the rear entrance to the cave.

	Laughter and I had rather an uncomfortable conversation. 
Apparently Sandr let her know of the conversation we had concerning
Ulysses.  She meant well, but telling me that there's other fish in the
sea doesn't just magically solve all my problems.  But it is good to know
I have another female to talk to in Amber.  Especially since I haven't
seen Melanie in what seems to be forever and a day.

	Anyway, I was Trumped by Benedict -- or at least I thought I was. 
Apparently it was a trick to snare Laughter and I through a Trump Hole.  I
woke up surrounded by white-robed people.  They were the Jezetti, and they
were lead by Gillian...

	My aunt.  Sister of my mother, Aelle.  I am half-Chaosite, half-
Hendrake to be more exact.  My mother was a spy, sent to infiltrate
Benedict's camp in Helene.  Apparently she infiltrated more than his camp.

	But little more than this did I learn.  The Jezetti wanted to use
my Amber/Hendrake blood with Nevermiss and Trueblade to draw their own
pattern, a la Corwin's.  No one was more surprised that my swords were
Pattern Blades than I.  I felt for their plight, but I know how Archimedes
feels about extra Patterns and Chaosites, so I needed reassurance. 
Gillian allowed me to Trump Sandr, and he came through.

	Anyway, they also needed the Jewel of Judgment, and thus the
reason they kidnapped Laughter -- ransom.  Though I question kidnapping
the wife of the King and the daughter of Benedict.  Ulysses also made his
way to this bit of Shadow.  It was apparent that we were going to be
locked up for a while, and I started donating the blood they needed.

	We contact Ulysses and ask him to come through.  I could start to
see that he was upset even then.

	Ulysses was ready to kick some ass, but I made him promise not to
harm Gillian, and let him take Trueblade.  The bastard hands it to
Laughter, who's ready to fillet Gillian.  I parried their blades, but
Ulysses socks me.  That lousy fuck.  If he wasn't so damn good- looking, I
might have killed him myself.

	About that -- technically, it could have been called treason.  I
saw people who needed a place to call home, trapped between uncaring Chaos
and even more uncaring Amber.  I tried to justify that I was doing it for
Laughter's sake, but I probably would have done it anyway.  These people
were family.

	Being locked up in the castle wasn't fun, either.  I found out
about the Hellmaids, and even trained with them.  And gave blood.  And a
most unusual thing happened.  Sandr approached me in front of everyone,
kissed me passionately, and declared that he was bisexual.  I was stunned. 
I thought he was content with his lifestyle...

	The cavalry arrived before anything could be settled.  Archimedes
restored Trump and Pattern abilities, he and Ulysses stared cleaning
house, Sandr flung flaming death, I Trumped Benedict in and he started
attacking... it was horrid.  But the worse part was yet to come.

	Benedict had spared Gillian's life, but Archimedes ordered her
death, and broke her neck himself.  I can understand why it had to be
done, but if I could have just spent some time, or imprisoned her...  It
was damn cold.  But I guess that's how things work around here.

	Other things happened.  Apparently Ulysses has yet another
daughter.  What a surprise.  Though I still want him, even when I tasted
my own blood from the split lip he gave me.  He's offered to help me try
to reconstruct a Trump of my mother.  It's either that or Hellride for
her, and we're not even sure if she lives.

	I talked to Sandr for a bit.  He seemed heavily medicated, and
tried to tell me that the kiss and such was for "my own protection."  I
think the drugs are clouding his mind.  It's such a horrid, horrid feeling
when the two men you care about most can't, or won't, have anything to do
with you.

	I grow weary.  Until the morning, then.