I begin this journal in the hopes of making some sense of a
senseless situation. I just spent the last fifteen minutes bending a
sword's will to my own. I write of it here because it is one of the few
victories I have been allowed in the last few days. A piece of Calamus
still resides in it, as he does in Sequence. Because Song contains that
piece of humanity, I was able to reason with it; make *it* feel the pain
of betrayal, the anguish of senseless death, and then the love that is
growing between Laughter and I. In the end, Song chose to stay with me;
to serve me in whatever I endeavor.
I shall endeavor to find my wayward wife. Is she even now in the
hands of Maron? Or has she simply wandered off? Is he behind her
amnesia? At least I know that if she is in his possession, she will
remain alive. Maron will, of course, kill my children, and erase any
possibility of her regaining her memories of me, but at least she _will_
_be_ _alive_. That thought alone is enough to sustain me. If Laughter is
taken from me, the Universe shall know my pain.
Whoever set Claudio up must be dealt with as well. I do not know
how to deal with irrational hate. What have I ever done to this woman?
Does she hate me? Or merely the office I hold? Flynn, Vain, Balin, all
have reason to hate me, and were they to make an attempt at my life, I
could at least understand their motives. What is it exactly that this
woman wants? It has to be more than the throne. Granted, I've only held
it for a few days, but I envision it bringing me nothing but pain, and the
power contained within the office is negligible at best. I've eliminated
none of my enemies, prisoners walk freely from my dungeons, and attempts
are publicly made at my life. At least that latter puzzle has been
solved. But why? Surely I am not that difficult to kill? Why go through
the formality of such a trap? Why the insanely ludicrous duel? And where
exactly did the jump from Muriel to the throne come from?
Is Sand friend or foe? Ulysses would have me believe foe, but I
saved her life once...
So many questions... None of the answers are important should
Laughter never return to my side.
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