Ambercon X Quotes

"Dr. Jellyfingers, Professional Proctologist" by Mark Stafford, Charles Moore and Mike Yates

Brought to you by the same idiots who brought you the "Oberon's" game and "Amber: The Musical." If you like rubber gloves, cross-dressing and lawyers, this one's for you. We've been called the 'Monty Python of Ambercon.' Come see why. Comedy with lots of roleplaying. Infantile level of play. A sense of humor and roleplaying ability are necessary. Proctologists must not offend you.

Cast of Characters

"Hey, we have proctologists, they have priests!" -- ?, referring to the Catholic high school band downstairs during the game

"Hey, Clowns can be sad too, you know...er, did I just say that?" -- Michael Schloss to ?

"Oberon drops the soap - what do you do?" -- Krishna Stolpin to ?

"Roland's an androgynous teenage boy sort of girl" -- Linda Cottrell to ?, describing her character

"I go to the bathroom." -- Sean Frost
"FIRE IN THE BOWL!!!" -- Michael Schloss

"It's enough to make me turn bi!" -- Krishna Stolpin to the group, upon seeing Mike Stafford in drag

"I can't poop it out myself, can I?" -- A'kora

"They're on to us! You might want to shove it up your ass." -- Anne to ?, referring to the Jewel of Judgement

"I'm going to walk the Pattern" -- A'kora
"Yadda, yadda, yadda, it's hard." -- GM

"I've never been in a game where someone got their ass ripped out by a Fire Angel." -- Linda Cottrell to the group

"Echoes of Thunder" by George Gitari and Rachel Holmberg

Storm-tossed and war-torn, Amber endures. Random has ruled for a year with uncertain alliances and unstable treaties. All kith and kin have been called to do their duty to keep the Empire together. You are invited to the first annual Royal Jubilee to celebrate the anniversary of Random's reign. Silks, sweet smiles and silver daggers...there's no place like home.

Cast of Characters

"Did you come to relieve me, then?" -- Concord, trying to salvage a diplomatic situation spiralling out of control
"Do you see a pressing need?" -- Caine

"It's clear that you're doing a much better job than I'd ever care to do." -- Caine to Concord, a short time later

"Well, thank you for the invitation to do your job." -- Caine to Concord, drawing the conversation to a close

"They're a loving family. They hug through their armor." -- Rachel to ?, on Concord and his father, Julian

"I feel obligated to say something stupid." -- J.P. Brannan to ?

"In retrospect, I should have walked in and said, 'Who is this man? That's not Jack!'" -- J.P. Brannan to ?

"The best kind of diplomacy is achieved through pure guesswork." -- GM Rachel to ?, about Concord's plan

"The Rayser's Edge: Equus' Lament" by Jennifer "Rayser" Sinclaire

A game for problem solvers. The plot is motivated by at least some admiration for Julian. Ms. Rayser goes it alone with a spotlight on her serious side.

Cast of Characters

Most frequently used line:
"Serious plot?" (chucks notebook over shoulder) -- GM

"Does Gérard have Julian stabilized?" -- Martin
"Yes." -- Nebil
"Then I guess you've been recruited." -- Martin
"No! I mean no! He's bleeding everywhere! I've got to go!" <click> -- Nebil

"Hey Martin! Latest crisis: Amber's sinking!" -- Quince to Martin

"This water has been drinking!" -- Jeffrey to ?

"Who's in the castle?" -- Sol Foster
"Bleys." -- GM
"He'll drink anything." -- Scott Whitney

"Unfortunately, it's an invisible blindfold, so it doesn't seem to work." -- Scott Whitney to ?

"But I'm sure (the storm hounds) have hunted 'single man with spear' before." -- Sara Willig
"You make me sound like an appetizer!" -- Andy Blija

"Can you tell what (Morgenstern) died from?" -- Nebil
"I think it had something to do with being chased by eight engine-speed polar bears." -- Scott Whitney

"Ragweed?! Does my missing leg look like ragweed?!" -- Jeffrey to ?

"Your Majesty, I think..." -- Roland
"Shush! Let him rant! We might get more visuals!" -- Nebil

"The Amberite Creed: If in doubt, bleed on it." -- Andy Blija to ?

"Hold still. You're spraying blood outside the control area." -- Quince to ?

"We have to find some way to stop (Morgenstern)." -- Quince
"Well, that's kinda hard to do when all we can see is his ass." -- Jeffrey

"Sticking thousands of little hands inside Julian is one thing, but scooping out his armpit sacks is something else." -- Sara Willig to ?

"Second Chance" by Jack Gulick and Ron Krieger

You awaken in darkness. The floor beneath you is cold and hard. The smell of sweat fills your nostrils. You hear breathing. You have no idea who you are. Non-standard rules. Characters will be generated during play.

Cast of Characters

"If I'm going to die, I'm driving." -- Bleys to the group

"People don't experiment with Fiona. Fiona experiments with people." -- Fiona to Brand

"The Third Host" by Felicia Baker

A masked ball, a country manor, and the Family and Entourage of Bleys of Amber. A heavenly evening, promised by a fiendish fellow. But he swears no tricks...

Cast of Characters

"A happy Bleys is a scary Bleys." -- Melanie to the group

"I'm going to get away from humanity. Where's Dagwood?" -- Eleanor to GM
"That would be getting away from humanity, all right." -- Kris Fazzari

"Dressed as a satyr, I'm going to try to make my way inconspicuously to the bar." -- Garret to GM

"Failing to seduce your father's girlfriend is probably a good thing." -- Dorian to Garret

"The Breakfast Club" by Deb Atwood and Jennifer Jackson

It's Saturday, and you're stuck in detention. It's the Rich Guy, the Frat Boy, the Jock, the Brain, the Bimbo, and the Cheerleader. Just your average early Saturday morning...

Cast of Characters

"If I'm in detention, the principal's gay." -- Chastity to the group

"What is a Principal's office?" -- Lance
"It's what you believe in. Your principles." -- Dustin

"How do you smoke a pot?" -- Lance to Gabrielle

"Once I put the faeries and drugs together, I knew what was happening." -- Dustin to the group

"Deb, when I asked if this could be a campaign, you were supposed to say 'no.'" -- Brian Stanley to GM Deb

"A Heap of Broken Images" by Garon Whited

Oberon is your father. Amber has existed for about a thousand years, and there is still that bothersome on-again, off-again skirmishing with Chaos. The Golden Circle is a prosperous, happy place. Amber is strong and happy. So why did a Shadow Storm just wipe out half the Amber Navy? And where has Dad gone? And why are Amber's best Admirals and Generals turning traitor to the Crown? Things are suddenly not looking good.

Cast of Characters

"Perhaps you should bring me over now before I use the restroom and waste another week." -- Macallan to Arthur, on the perils of Shadows with differing time flows

"I use the Chamber Pot of Scrying! You've got a lot of shit coming your way." -- Mory
"Empty it first!" -- Macallan

"The concubine quarters: down the hall, hang a right, down two flights of stairs. Hard to miss. Big iron doors guarded by a guy with no balls." - a demon in Chaos to ?

"Orcs at the Gate," a Knights of the Dinner Table board game

"You're mourning a fucking COW???" -- Sean Frost
(mournfully) "She had teats..." -- Paul Deckert

"..and I'm playing the carnivorous sheep!" -- Sean Frost to the group

"Pogue Da Corret!" ("Kiss My Ass!") by H. R. Green

There is a trial being conducted over the death of Prince Corwin. However, the real problem is Corwin's rogue son, Logan, who has reportedly taken it upon himself to avenge his father's death on Mandor, the accused, and anyone else suspected of aiding the crime. Your job is to keep Logan from carrying out any of his rumored plans. Tissues will be provided.

Cast of Characters

"Hi, Mom. I know it's strange to be (Trumped) by a recliner, but I'm waiting for someone." -- Alexander to Fiona, when shapeshifted into a recliner

"I summon Scott Whitney!" -- Ian Ng
"What?" -- GM
"I summon Scott Whitney: 4 points Extraordinary Psychic Sense, 4 points Loud." -- Ian Ng

"That's it! Scott Whitney is behind it all!" -- Ian Ng to the group

"There you go. He's a dog. That was the highest I could reach with what was left." -- Dworkin to Ariel, about a dead comrade

"Empire of the Gleaming Banner" by R.F. McCaughey

The Courts have extended a formal invitation to Lora, Empress of the Gleaming, to an Abandonment honoring the Empire where it will be decided which Imperial delegates will attend the Wedding of King Merlin. The Abandonment (a Chaosian revel) is hosted by socially prestigious House Matrisse. PCs will represent the aged Empress at the event. But some in the Courts of Chaos do not wish to see changes such as treaties with the Empire. Also, the Empress has a special matter to be resolved before the Wedding can take place. Expect drama, amusement and surprises.

Cast of Characters

"You bungee jumped into the Abyss?!!! You'd do anything!" -- Vintar to Archard

"The Roots of Corruption" by Matthew Richardson

Something is amiss in Arcana...its cities have grown darker somehow, more malevolent...and the effect is echoing across reality. In the Courts of Chaos, the boundaries holding back the Abyss are weakening, and in Amber the very foundation of Newcastle has begun to crumble and erode. Something is twisting the heart of magic, and the source of this corruption lies with Ygg.

Cast of Characters

"If the woman acted her age, she'd be six feet under." -- Edgar to Gawain, regarding Sarah Chanicut

"The Unicorn League" by Carol Dodd

You are an Amberite, but not of royal blood. A family retainer, trusted friend etc. Can you avert a serious threat to Amber in your royal patrons' absence?

"Our flour went sour so you'll have to get more flour in an hour." -- ?

The Costume Ball by John Schleick and Sean Frost

You are cordially invited to attend a Costume Ball to commemorate the tenth anniversary of Ambercon! A costume contest is planned for guests to display their fineries, where judges will award a variety of unique prizes to those who stand-out amongst their peers. Also, for the first time ever, a Market Place is being assembled, bringing vendors and artists from around the Globe where guests may socialize over food and drink or pause a moment for a photograph or sketch. Finally, there is the live-action game, "All the World's a Stage"...where a would-be writer and an eccentric director have teamed up to bring to the stage one of the greatest productions ever conceived: A Night in Amber. Though hopeful actors and actresses occupy the stage, there seems to be much more interesting things going on behind the scenes...

Cast of Characters

I Dreamed a Dream (Les Miserables)
(Random, singing to Vialle)

There was a time brothers were kind
When their voices were soft
And their worlds inviting.
There was a time we all were blind
And Shadow was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong...

I dreamed a dream of days gone by,
Of castles grand with spires gleaming,
I dreamed my family could not die.
I dreamed my father was forgiving.
Then I was young and unafraid
And worlds were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the Serpent comes at night,
with his Logrus soft as thunder,
and he tears Shadow apart,
and he turns his reign to shame.

I spent a summer by his side,
He sought the days of wasted memory,
He took the Pattern stride by stride,
But he was gone when center came.

I never dreamed it'd come to me,
That I would rule through years forever,
But few are dreams that cannot be
And there are ties we cannot sever.

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this one I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
With you I live the dream I dreamed.

-- Daric Kozlowski

"A Light In the Attic" by Rayser-Sharpe Productions, Ltd.

Has Dworkin really gone sane, or has he finally leapt off the mental edge? And is he really better off this way? Granted, he's easier to hold discussions with, but he's so easily irritated by the slightest imperfections!

Cast of Characters

Most frequently used line:
"Shut up. Don't help." -- Dorrel

"We'll do lunch sometime." -- Dorrel
"Didn't you just?" -- Jenny
"You're starting to annoy me." -- Dorrel

"That's a scary thought." -- Jenny
"Welcome to my childhood." -- Dorrel

"I can't believe I'm running around being a crib sheet for Dworkin." -- Deb Atwood to the group

"I was just going to take (Dworkin) to the Pattern. I had no intention of throwing popcorn on it." -- Jenny to ?

"Hey! You're in the kitchen. Can you grab me something to eat?" -- Dorrel
"Can I have a plate of grease to go, please?" -- Jenny to the cook
"Oh, no. I'll just have whatever (Dworkin) had." -- Dorrel
"I'll have a plate of grease to go, please." -- Jenny

"Some people like to make things from scratch." -- Dorrel
"And a forest full of chairs would look really weird." -- Jenny

"I've got my bow in one hand, and a Trump in the other." -- Jenny
"Who is it?" -- GM Rayser
"Who is it? It's my room! My room can't resist Trump calls!" -- Jenny

"It's animal gutting in full stereo surround-sound!" -- GM Rayser to ?

"I'm sorry. Gizzard eating is right out. It's not sexy." -- Deb Atwood to ?

"'Light blue sky' doesn't quite trip off the tongue like 'orange sky.'" -- Dorrel
"Yes, but it trips a lot later!" -- Jenny

"I thought the room was Dworkin-proof." -- Jenny
"NOTHING is DWORKIN PROOF!" -- Dorrel

"And if the wind shifts just right, you can just hear Random playing (the drums)." -- GM ? to ?

"Jeff Lowry's Game: Year Two" by Jeff Lowry

End of the Corwin books - no peace has been concluded with Chaos, only a cease fire. Things are unsolved and rumors are Eric has been seen in the Courts.

Cast of Characters

"If I had known you didn't know, I'd have told you." -- Rilga to ?

"Amber: The Musical II" by Mark Stafford, Charles Moore and Mike Yates

A new musical from the people who brought you the "Oberon's" games and the first "Amber: The Musical." This game is totally self-contained and does not depend on any knowledge of the first musical. New players welcome. If you like to see GMs making fools of themselves trying to sing, this one's for you. Comedy, music, singing and general tomfoolery, with lots of roleplaying. High level of play with roleplaying and singing required. You must like Blue Oyster Cult (okay, you don't really have to).

Cast of Characters

"So, you didn't take it up the bass?" -- Marc Phoenix Gibbs to ?

"I stole it from him, but he stole it back from me, so I guess that makes it okay." -- Jeff Hawkins to ?

"And the Children Shall Lead" by Jack Kessler and Karen Francis

The 4th year continues events 1001 years after Chaos won the war. How do you deal with two new patterns? A hedge pattern made out of blood? An insane Corwin on the run? And, with Boran the new Crown Prince of Chaos, can things be any less hectic there? Just what is Dworkin trying to say, anyway? And what's going on with Suhuy and King Despil? And let's not even mention the colorless Amberites. These questions may not be answered this year, but rest assured, you'll be asking even more before it's over.

Cast of Characters

"I make mental contact and sort of shout among them, 'Dworkin, pull yourself together!'" -- Michael to a pile of tiny spiders than had been Dworkin

"I have a bad feeling about this." -- Arachnus
"I kind of reached that stage when the Shadow whited out around us." -- Michael

"Can you provide me with those Trumps?" -- Michael
"That's probably a question for the GM. The GM seems to have vanished. I'll take that as a yes." -- Arachnus

"Why do I need marriage? I should just bud, y'know?" -- K'tal to ?

"We paid 4-4-4 for the damn Shadow, and it still ain't workin' properly! Damn plastic plumbin'!" -- Michael to ?

"Okay, why don't you write all about killing things and send me the result? Just a tally would be fine." -- Sako to ?

"You're the heir." -- ?
"But for how long?" -- Boran
"Hail to the Target-in-Chief." -- Michael

"The baby exploded last year. I got to run away." -- Deb Atwood to ?

"Meghan, sheathe your arms!" -- Amery to ?

"Dude, we're trapped in this dark hedge maze! Come join us!" -- Brendan to ?

"So, the sun is feeling feeble to me?" -- Sako
"What sun? There's a roof over your head." -- GM
"Oh. There is?" -- Sako

"If I'm following instincts, I guess I am in armor." -- Sako
"Okay. You put on an apron." -- GM

"Where would you put your sword by your bed?" -- GM to Amery
"Don't answer that question until you think carefully." -- Sako

"In fact, all of you are in hospital beds." -- GM
"I thought I was a chef?" -- Sako

"You know who you are." -- GM
"But I knew who I was when I was a mad chef. That doesn't answer the question." -- Sako

"Come with me." -- Doctor
"I'd love to, but it seems my legs are strapped to the table." -- Sako

"You have your earring." -- GM
"Is it quiet?" -- Amery
"Aren't earrings normally quiet?" -- GM

"Some need more 'group' therapy than others." -- Sako
"You thought it was cool half an hour ago." -- K'tal (all three of her)

"That's right, and we put her in your pocket for safekeeping. How could you be so irresponsible as to lose Deirdre?" -- Sako to ?

"Brendan's taking a mild bit of comfort in the fact that the actual problem is that he's insane, and all these horrible things haven't been happening to him." -- Brian Stanley to ?

"I feel better. You guys are wankers." -- Sako to ?

"I assume you have better security this time. I'd hate to think that someone who captured me was also stupid." -- Sako to ?

"There's a place open for our special patient." -- Michael
"I'm going to kill you all." -- Sako

"Kewl! I get to participate in my own death!" -- Michael
"I've been just waiting to rip your head off." -- Meghan
"Why do you think I had the quick release installed?" -- Michael

"You're in the middle of a fight." -- GM
"No, I'm not. There's a lovely wall right over here." -- Brendan

"No, but I find scalps are really flexible." -- Meghan
"Ow." -- Michael

"And I've just watched Paul being murdered. Which is somewhat throwing me, actually. He told me we were here to cure them!" -- Michael to ?

"This is the therapy room. People get depressed during therapy. You can't have windows." -- Sako
"You guys are lucky this place has hard walls." -- Michael

"Experimental Surgery of the Day? The Scalpel du Jour." -- ?

"Nobody did any lobotomies on me, did they?" -- Arachnus
"Not that you remember." -- GM

"Can I get them with the Big Bad Squiggle?" -- K'tal to ?

"And their generation thinks our generation is bad. Can you do something about the suits that are singing??" -- Deb Atwood to ?, referring to the Catholic high school alumni singing drunken Irish songs

"Is there a name tag or chart?" -- Michael, regarding the woman bandaged from head to toe
"Deirdre Burns. In fact, she burns quite well." -- GM

"No touch-y the Jewel-y. These are our family jewels." -- Sako to ?

"She's walking through orderlies and watching them go, 'Oooh!'" -- GM to ? about Gabrielle, the Trump hologram

"What do you men, 'recognize the hurt'? It's not like headaches have names!" -- Michael
"Actually, this one does." -- GM

"I'm trying to help his chisel." -- Gabrielle to ?

"I can tell you what it is, if you'd listen for five minutes." -- Gabrielle
"I don't think we have five minutes. Go on." -- Michael

"All of a sudden -- you're probably tired of that by now..." -- GM to ?

"You don't understand. It's a very close Shadow of Amber. We'll have to have a discussion about that sometime." -- Scott Whitney
"We did. That's why this is happening." -- GM
"Oh. I did this to us." -- Scott Whitney

"I feel naked." -- Amery
"We can work on that." -- ?
"I don't want to be more naked, thank you." -- Amery

"You find (Bleys). He's locked in a room still." -- GM
"Okay, we're getting him out." -- Brendan
"Why?" -- Amery

"Scott has an absurd Psyche, and I assume those Trumpy people do, so maybe they can work together." -- Amery to ?

"All right, which one of you dimwits has the Jewel of Judgment?" -- Amery to the group
<Three players check their pockets>

"The original Deirdre is okay. The 'slightly burnt' part leaves something to be desired." -- GM to ?

"Do we have any serious wounded that we can't treat right here?" -- Meghan
"'Yes,' says Random," weakly raising one hand while the other is over the gaping wound in his chest." -- GM

"We're going to avoid getting sucked into the next stupid-ass trap." -- Sako
"Don't walk in when you're invited. Not that it helped me either." -- Michael

"Blaze of Glory: Two Weeks After" by Sol Foster

Bleys' private Shadow is a playground of swashbuckling adventure. Now revolution threatens a loyal ally, and a handful of the Elite Guard must covertly intervene.

Cast of Characters

"People will die!" -- Jayne
"They'll be our own people, but still..." -- Lorianne

"You teach (the men) how to dig ditches, I teach them how to die in them." -- Jayne to Philippe

"Do we make it into battle sober?" -- Amos
"No! Not if it can be avoided!" -- Philippe

"I do not repair an engine, I do not fight a battle, I do not make love to a woman, sober." -- Philippe
"And a woman doesn't make love to you sober, if she can help it." -- Jayne

"I'm sure, for those of you that live, there will be a hearty reward!" -- Jayne to her Sharks

"How good is your seamanship?" -- Philippe
"Better than bad." -- Lorianne

"I got 13 (volunteers)! I only got 15 last time, so this is working." -- Jayne to the group

"Crappy clothes? I thought you said preppy clothes." -- GM to Jayne
"Izods! Izods for everyone!" -- Jill Pritts

"Once we rescue zis woman.... Now you've got me talking like you!" -- Jayne to Philippe

"I'm going to be working all night to make brandy-based napalm." -- Philippe to GM

"If we destroy (Queen Kelly's) kingdom, no one else will want to take it from her." -- Lorianne to the group
"It's hard to argue with logic like that." -- GM

"You know, we might be able to get at least one of my troops to wear an explosive device." -- Jayne to the group

"OK, cool, Jayne has breasts. Big ones. Not so big that she can't fight." -- Jayne
"They'll waggle when she walks like a plane saying, 'Yes.'" -- Philippe
"No, see, Jayne has invented the sports bra." -- Jayne

"I want to find a soldier I can drag off and knock out." -- Bridget to GM
"And make wild, passionate love to." -- Lorianne
"Well, if I have the time." -- Bridget

"Bridget hypnotizes (the soldier) with her bouncing breasts." -- Kris Fazzari
"That would be a specialty skill." -- Cal Rea

"No, Philippe is not going to be teaching tuneless Englishman how to sing." -- Cal Rea

"Where's...I can't remember his name." -- Bridget
"O'Cereal?" -- Kris Fazzari
"O'Cirian?" -- Cal Rea
"Ostrich?" -- Jill Pritts
"Ó'Sirideáin." -- GM
"The warlord." -- Bridget

"The Queen will be scarred for life." -- GM
"That's OK." -- Jayne

"I'm giving (the warlord) a hungry look, because I want to kill him, and I think I can translate that into a look of desire." -- Jayne to GM

"I knew Bleys would send someone." -- Queen Kelly
"Well, actually, he's back in his office." -- Bridget

"You're a really shitty flyer!" -- Jayne to Amos
"If I were him, I'd crash them both into a wall." -- Jill Pritts

"I'm shooting anything that's black." -- Philippe to GM
"All the teen goths will be very unhappy." -- Jill Pritts

"All I can tell is that the town is burning, so I figure the plan went the way our plans usually do." -- Lorianne to GM

"I saved some children, they can worship (Queen Kelly) or whatever it is they do." -- Jayne to GM
"What color is the sky in your world?" -- Cal Rea

"(Jayne's) going to ride a horse through a burning town?" -- Kris Fazzari
"It's going to take all of (her) strength and skill." -- GM
"Put a blindfold over the horse's eyes." -- Jill Pritts
"Well, then you'll have another problem..." -- Kris Fazzari

"Burning the (prisoners), beating them to a bloody pulp, and then questioning them is not a very effective tactic." -- GM to Philippe

Jayne's Ballad II

Plain Jayne of London Town
Put on a dress and pranced around
O'Ciridan invited her to sit down
Stuck a sword in his throat and he went down
Gurgling and thrashing all around
Her Sharks rallied to the awful sound
Then men in black came to town
And bodies of Sharks lay on the ground
But suddenly, a plane flew around
With a rescue rope hanging down
Head in hand, Jayne leapt up from the ground
Grabbed a Shark as she swung around
With the weight, they barely got off the ground
Just before Philippe bombed the town
Dropped into a pond with a splashing sound
Rode a horse through the burning town
Only one more shark could be found
Plain Jayne of London Town

"Cracks and Shards" by Wendi Strang-Frost

The Jewel of Judgement has been stolen and Random has sent you and your comrades (naturally) to retrieve it. (He and his siblings are busy defending Amber from the current Chaosian invasion, of course.) The catch? The bad guys have beaten you to the punch, but you've managed to corner them in some backwater Shadow. Just as you were about to beat the snot out of them and take the JoJ back, the Serpent came calling to reclaim its eye. The last thing you remember is the Unicorn shattering the JoJ and a blinding flash of light.... (An action/comedy inspired by the works of T. Pratchett, P. Anthony, and N. Gaiman.)

Cast of Characters

"Shapeshifters don't crunch, they squish." -- Akari to Man

"Crisis on Caladan" by Jack Kessler

An ADRPG Throne War set in Frank Herbert's DUNE. House Atreides has left Caladan to take up governorship at Arrakis. In doing so, it has left a number of local Houses Minor in disarray: their leaders, personnel and resources plundered and taken along to secure the Desert Planet. The Imperial Judge of the Change is arriving to oversee the rebuilding and to determine who shall rule now.

Cast of Characters

"Put it this way: Until you've won the game and you're controlling Caladan, you're not important enough to stab in the back." -- Quote Scribe to ?

"They wanted to play something light and playful, instead of being paranoid that their good friends are going to stab them in the back." -- Lord Anthro to ?, indicating other players

"The person ruling the Universe is not fair and just and rational and wise." -- QS
"Hey!" -- GM
"I can say that. I'm not playing." -- QS

"Well, somebody's a bastard." -- GM, referring to auction complications
"That word again! Oh, it's him." -- Anthro

"He's got grunts, but they're good grunts. They're really good grunts." -- GM to ?

"Is 50 Strength enough to take out the Sadaukar?" -- Lord Storm to ?

"My House is dressed in aviators' uniforms. With rubber gloves." -- Lord Glendon-Height to ?

"Storm." -- Storm
"Your character's name, or...?" -- Glendon-Height
"Just Storm." -- Anthro
"He just goes by Lord Storm." -- Storm

"That's too simple. What are you planning, Anthro?" -- Glendon-Height
"I'm planning on dying. Then whoever comes after me will be Lord Anthro." -- Anthro
"Oh, that way you won't have to change the monograms on the towels." -- GM

"If you know the books, (Count Fering) is like the Emperor's best friend. And also his chief assassin." -- GM
"Which tells you a lot about the Emperor." -- QS

"That's how we need to think of this game. Organized crime." -- Lord Vorm to ?

"The good people of the land." -- Glendon-Height
"You know. Morons." -- Anthro

"Welcome to Caladan, Count. Bow profusely. Give him my card." -- Storm
"He walks right by." -- GM

"Earthquakes and tsunami usually aren't controlled by the weather station." -- Anthro? to ?

"Understand your House has some mighty good water polo players." -- Anthro
<nod nod nod> "We keep in shape." -- Storm

"Lord, I hope you received that wine shipment I sent to you." -- Anthro
"No." -- Vorm
<blink, blink> "You didn't?" -- Anthro

"Day 2: The Afternoon." -- GM to ?

"Vorm. Would you like to speak?" -- Glendon-Height
"To what?" -- Vorm
"To me." -- Glendon-Height

"He made his pitch." -- Vorm
"Which was what? 'I have the most troops and I'll kick your ass?'" -- Glendon-Height
"That's a pretty persuasive pitch." -- QS

"Well, I find your faith in the Count's goodwill refreshing..." -- Glendon-Height to ?

"People can smuggle things in their luggage. The Harkonnens could be smuggling things. The Atreides could be smuggling things. My grandmother could be smuggling things." -- Glendon-Height
"Arrest the grandmother!" -- QS

"This is gonna be slick as all hell if it works. If it doesn't work, I am so dead." -- Glendon-Height to ?

"You fool! Wipe your feet after you've been to a bloodbath!" -- Storm to ?, speculating on the Count's possible reaction to an inept player in the assassination game

"I remember the question that I was going to ask you that I couldn't remember." -- Anthro
"Hold that thought." -- GM
"What kind of elevator music does the Spacing Guild play?" -- Glendon-Height

"They're also in the Castle. Which is heavily fortified." -- ?
"Well, but..." -- ?
"You could..." -- ?
"Well, no. I'm not planning to do that." -- ?

"You can do #1 by noon." -- GM
"Oh, good. Then I will." -- Glendon-Height

"I don't know what you know and what you don't know, so I don't know." -- ?

"Full force?" -- ?
"Pretty much." -- ?
"Both of them?" -- ?

"Your home base is under attack from a large number of mercenary troops coming from Spacing Guild shuttles that are coming down on it." -- GM
"Yes. Is there a problem?" -- Storm

"If there's any question, my Shield's up too." -- Anthro to ?

"After all, the people know him, they love him..." -- Storm
"He has good fashion sense." -- Glendon-Height

"And I'm sure he'll recognize the help I have given him all through this time." -- Storm
<blink, blink, blink, blink, blink...> -- Anthro

"My wife did die in this valiant effort. So I am available to marry into another House and increase my holdings." -- Storm
"You Machiavellian bastard. And I thought I was cold-blooded." -- Glendon-Height

"I was never intending to attack." -- Anthro
"That was why I ended up going with him." -- Glendon-Height

"Nobody assassinated anybody." -- GM
"I killed a Mentat!" -- Storm
"And your wife." -- Anthro

"Cross and Double-Cross" by Kristen Gibbs and David de Jong

Murder, most foul. That much is obvious. What isn't obvious is who did it or why. Certain family members have been consulted; King Random thus begins the questioning. Can you puzzle it out in time to stop another killing, or do you need to lead the investigation astray and away from your own diabolical plans?

Cast of Characters

"Stick your flag somewhere else, please." -- Random to Benedict

"Any reason you're sending so many men?" -- Caine
"To avoid sending more." -- Benedict

"So Bleys, how much do you know about Tantric magic?" -- Flora to Bleys

"Put her down, Bleys" -- Random to Bleys, upon forcing a Trump contact

"Who would have a Trump of my pants?" -- Gérard
"Bleys would have a Trump of his pants, because when he's running away from an irate husband, he needs a way to retrieve his clothes." -- Random

"How did Fiona get a Trump of your pants?" -- Benedict to Gérard

"I'm not really interested in fighting Bleys. I don't want to be decapitated." -- Flora
"Good. Good that you're not interested in fighting him, not that you want to be decapitated." -- Random

"Fiona was the only one who knew where her fount of power was. Which meant that she would stay alive only until I found out where it was. Then she died, which was a little bit of a set back." -- Caine to the group

"Then I committed a tactical error." -- Caine
"You got your head chopped off!" -- Random

"New Millennia" (sequel to "End of Days") by John Schippers

Straightway I was in the Spirit: and behold, there was a throne set in heaven, like an emerald to look upon and out of the throne proceed lightnings and voices and thunders; and one sitting upon the throne; he that sat was to look upon like a Wall Street broker with a self-satisfied smirk. (Rev.4:2-3,5) The second great war in Celestial Realm is over and Lucifer has assumed the eternal throne. Fearful of the consequences of prolonged chaos on Earth, the assembled Heads of Pantheons, with Lucifer as mediator, are engaged in a summit meeting. The intent is to create a Great Covenant outlining limits to the direct influence the gods may exercise in the mortal realms. Unfortunately, a choir of angels, refusing to accept the new status quo, has gone rogue on Earth and engages in heavy opposition to Heaven's new regime.

Cast of Characters

"I'm not a pacifist, but I'm not much use in a fight." -- Sol Foster to ?

"Is anyone here a kick-ass geography person?" -- Joe Saul
"I am." -- Ron Krieger
<pause, as everyone looks at him>
"Well, my character is, anyway..." -- Ron Krieger

"In that case, you are in the rear latrine with two dead Russian airmen, a gun, a babushka, and a dead chicken with a stiletto heel through it." -- Joe Saul to ?

"I control the technology in this airplane." -- Sol Foster's character
"IS there any technology in this plane??" -- Simone Cooper

"I don't care about rules, I care about SHOES!" -- Una to ?

"Anyone else want to summon their father, the God of Cold, and freeze the fuck out of us too?" -- Mark MacKinnon to the group, after Una summoned her father, Famine, while the group was starving in the cold

"Do you take credit cards?" -- Mark's character
"Yes, we take credit cards." -- the Gypsies
"This car costs two credit cards, this one costs three credit cards..." -- Simone Cooper

"You know him to be divinity because..." -- GM to ?
"...he's 82 feet tall." -- Simone Cooper

"Second Coming" by Daric Kozlowski

The Courts fall apart, Amber cannot hold, mere anarchy is loosed upon Shadow.... What rough beast, its hour come round at last, slouches toward Kolvir to be born?

Cast of Characters

"He's reading Oberon's library, he's making a Jewel of Judgment, and I'm going up to watch the universe explode." -- Marc Phoenix Gibbs to ?, summing up the current situation

"There are always relatives!" -- Ian Ng, with exasperation
"It is an unfortunate fact that in most realities most people have relatives." -- Jack Gulick

"Gosh, Dad, cryptic to the end. Thanks a fucking lot!" -- Kendall to Oberon, on Oberon's last words

"With sufficient assets, you can purchase all the time you need." -- Teshal
"I'm going to have to spend some time there." -- Kendall
"No, you buy it!" -- Teshal

(We forgot to determine birth order at character generation, so...)
"I will now open the bidding for King." -- GM
"I bid a point of Psyche." -- Kendall
"A point of Psyche and a point of Stuff." -- Brand
"Two points of Psyche and a point of Stuff." -- Macallan
"I bid 4 of Psyche and a point of Stuff." -- Kendall
"My horse for a kingdom!" -- Macallan, who owns a 12 point horse

"The kingship of Amber is not worth twelve points." -- Kendall to ?

"Contemplating the stability of the universe is the third ridiculous thought you have thought today." - GM to Kendall

"When We Were Kings" by Rayser-Sharpe Productions, Ltd.

Welcome to Shadow's premier Old Real-Folks Home, Tranquility Gardens: where the food comes thoughtfully pre-chewed, bingo runs 'round the clock, and every day at 4, Bethany stops by to care for you.... Character must have been one-time king of Amber, Chaos, or Golden Circle Realm. The older, the better!

Cast of Characters

"What are you shooting for?" -- GM Sharpe
"A 64 box of crayons." -- Wayne Whitlark
"You get a 200 box of crayons, all of them blue." -- GM Rayser

"I want a Happy Meal! Where's my toy?!" -- Chris Salzer to ?

"Wow! That was quicker than usual. I feel cheap." -- Chris Salzer to ?

"Anyone here an ASS? A-S-S? Advanced Shape Shifter? You look like an ASS!" -- Chris Salzer to ?

"The Incredible Shrinking Amberites" by Rayser-Sharpe Productions, Ltd.

Late Night Special!!! A comedy in true Rayser-Sharpe fashion. See either J. Rayser or M. Sharpe before the game for you choice of 9 inch (or, in Random's case, 6 inch) tall Elder Amberite.

Cast of Characters

"Actually, we're afraid of you much the same way Corwin is afraid of Benedict." -- Sara Willig to ?

"You realize that, at your present size, it would take you a lifetime to walk the Pattern." -- GM Rayser
"Those are acceptable odds." -- Benedict

"To hell with the protocol. I'm not a King you can look up to right now." -- Random to ?

"My charred and rumpled polyester leisure suit has seen better days." -- Brand to ?

"I'm blocking the door." -- GM Rayser
"I'm blocking the window." -- GM Sharpe
"I go through the wall. I'm playing Gérard, so I can do that." -- JoAnn Spencer

"If everyone in Amber were to shrink, my warfare tells me it would be today. Therefore, I will be using the small scissors." -- Benedict to ?

"I've been Bic'd!" -- GM Rayser

"I had foreseen the possibility of one day being shrunk to 11 inches tall. Therefore, I trained the castle cats to ride, cached appropriate weaponry and tools, and commissioned a Trump deck from Dworkin inked on grains of sushi rice." -- Benedict to ?

"I had foreseen the possibility that Llewella might be trapped in her fish tank - the one with the beta. So I planted for her, in the tank, a trident, a note, and a dress made of coral, so that she might survive." -- Benedict to ?

"Oh. Thank God that's over." -- Random
"Of course, he's got no clue there's a 500-foot-tall hunchback waiting for him at home." -- GM Sharpe

"Dworkin suddenly growing into a 500-foot-tall hunchback.... There was far less a chance...but there was always the possibility." -- Benedict to ?

"Artifacts in Exile" (The Artifacts Game) by Chris Salzer

The Artifacts have once again saved Castle Amber. In doing so they cost the Royal Family one of its beloved sons, Bleys. The Artifacts must now justify their actions before King Random or suffer the Consequences.

Cast of Characters

"What, are you crazy?" -- Dworkin to the Accessories

"Dopplegangers" by George Gitari

The raging continues, unabated and (thankfully) elsewhere. You've made it, but at what cost? Where are you? How did you escape and from who/what? What now? And who are these ragged others staring at you in confusion? At least you know who you are: Dworkin Barimen. Now what else are you forgetting?

"He's Dworkin in his late Marlon Brando stage" -- GM to ?

"He's a young Dworkin. He only has a small hump." -- ?

"I bred a Dworkin with FOUR ASSES!" -- ?
" ...and that's not a hump!" -- ?

"You know that you used to be Dworkin, and he was Dworkin, and now you're both Dworkin, but you're both still Dworkin." -- GM to ?

"Oh yeah, you the Dworkin!" -- Everyone, at one time or another...

"Sleepy is the Dworkin on his shoulder, but Sleepy Dworkin isn't sleepy." -- GM to ?

"I create Dworkin name tags for all the Dworkins, because I'm having trouble telling the Dworkins apart. They all say, "Hello, my name is Dworkin." -- ?

"My Endurance is 500. I'm a blow-up doll, NOTHING tires me out!" -- The Blow-Up-Doll Dworkin to ?

"Party Like It's 1999" by Sol Foster

King Random's throwing a party in Texorami, and you're invited. This game is completely player-driven, with no plot whatsoever. You have been warned. Show up, role-play, use your imagination, have fun.

Cast of Characters

"Steed brought Jenga! What were you thinking?" -- Meredith
"I was thinking he needs to loosen up." -- Random

"Define strong, Grandpa." -- Meredith
"Some old man who can lift a truck." -- Dworkin

"Do you have some tabasco?" -- Dworkin to Meredith, after drinking a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster

"No, I know not to touch (Steed's) hat. I get the same way about my belly ring." -- Meredith to the group

"I don't people watch, I people do." -- Meredith to Steed

"You brought Monopoly? Is it the Amber version? Land on 'Go to the Abyss,' do not pass Unicorn, do not collect $200?" -- Meredith to Steed

"I know the Heimdall maneuver. I need a bridge." -- Dworkin to Ariana and Meredith

"Or we could play my other favorite game: 'Guess which one of my tattoos licks off.'" -- Meredith to Steed and Ariana

"I'll see you one courier horse for a week, and raise you an assassination." -- Meredith
"All right. No family members, please." -- Steed

"If people aren't going to take off their clothes, I'm just not interested." -- Ariana to the group

"So, whose party is this?" -- Dworkin
"Random's." -- Ariana
"Oh, it's not a random party, it's Random's party." -- Dworkin

"Oxygen deprivation makes Trump bungee jumping more difficult." -- Dworkin to the group, as he ties a bungee cord around his neck

"Sorry Random, we killed Dworkin." -- Ariana to the group

"You realize that to protect the sanctity of the castle, we're going to have to raze this building." -- Meredith
"You think the building will still be standing after this party?" -- Ariana

"Remember, you're an Amberite. The laws of physics are just a suggestion." -- Meredith to Steed

"Realize that at this very minute, somewhere in this hotel, people are in the middle of a life and death struggle for the fate of Amber. We, however, are bungee Trumping." -- Rob Bergeron to the group

"The Rayser's Edge: Crimson and Clover" by Rayser-Sharpe Productions, Ltd.

Cast of Characters

"Fiona, what are you doing?" -- GM Rayser
"I bring up a Pattern Lens and stick my head in the void." -- Fiona
"Bleys? Caine? Fiona's doubled over the bed, staring into the aura." -- GM Rayser
"We shove her into it." -- Caine

"Izzy's World of Insufficient Light" by Brian and Jennifer Stanley

Romance! Adventure! Bunnies! (Note: There will be NO romancing the bunnies!!) On Shadow Earth (or near enough), a small group answers an odd and enigmatic call to save the world from a power-mad undead cabal and visit a major theme park. We'll be having a little intrigue, some action, and a fair bit of madness, with a dash of romance thrown in as time and what's left of our sanity permit. Characters will be Shadow-ignorant and Shadow-incapable, but they must have some sort of connection to the supernatural.

Cast of Characters

(After Sylph and Tinkerbell have sex levitating above their tiny bed)
"They're members of the foot-high club!" -- Anne Devlin
"There's glitter everywhere..." -- GM Brian
"The bed is covered in pixie dust!" -- GM Jennifer

"She's magical, so she's all fresh again in the morning." -- GM Brian
"Hell, she's probably a virgin again." -- GM Jennifer

"Would it be really cheezy to scream, 'There can be only one!' right now?" -- Michael Schloss to ?, after his character beheads the Vampire Queen

"The Car's computer asks you if you want it to open up the front gate (so you can escape)." -- GM
"There are three buttons: 'No,' 'Yes,' and 'Yes DAMMNIT.' I press the third button." -- Michael Schloss

"Past Daemons" by Rayser-Sharpe Productions, Ltd.

Everyone has a secret. What's yours? And how far would you go to keep it that way?

Cast of Characters

"I look at Satan Sea Witch and take a step back." -- Jim Groves to ?

"I want to make sure (Tristan's) clean." -- Roy Grutchfield
"You mean like you did with (the staff)?" -- Rob Bergeron
"Oh, no. They were just servants. Tristan's family." -- Rob Bergeron
"He must die in a special way." -- GM Sharpe

"I look at the body of our dead host and say, 'Lovely party. Thanks so much for the invitation.'" -- Linda Cottrell to GM

"I've conjured a kick-ass crossbow. It's got 'Rebman Prom Queen from Hell' written all over it." -- Jim Groves to ?

"How long until dawn?" -- Roy Grutchfield
"Well, that's the kind of question we could have asked our host, except you told us to kill him." -- Rob Bergeron

"Quips and Bounds" by Wendi Strang-Frost

The Jewel of Judgement has been put back together after your misadventures on the Plane of Magic. But did you get it back together properly? (You never really did explain what happened to Cedric's body, you know.) And did you return to the right Amber, for that matter? And are there any other consequences running about? Or running about the castle, more specifically? And you're just positive that Random's going to hold you accountable for the mess, and sweeping it up.... (An action/comedy sequel to "Cracks & Shards," inspired by T. Pratchett and lack of sleep.)

Cast of Characters

"(Jayson) pretty much takes after Corwin in every way." -- Jarrod Van Kirk
"Oh God, he's a bad poet!" -- Sean Frost

"Do you have a cold, my lady? Your voice is awfully hoarse." -- Lorian's servant to Lorian
"No, that's him." -- Sean Frost, pointing to the centaur

"Bring me Greyswandir and a lot of shaving cream." -- Sean Frost to the group, speaking for Lauren

"Hey, for the first time, (Roland) can feel a woman up and she won't object." -- Kris Fazzari
"What do you mean, 'for the first time?'" -- Sol Foster

"Perhaps you can tell me why you're a rabbit?" -- Roland
"I'll have to get back to you on that. Perhaps you can tell me why you're invisible and female?" -- Quinlan
"Because I'm a female vampire." -- Roland
"So, that means you have hooters, right?" -- Quinlan

"I've got more chest hair than you, Dad." -- Lauren to the group, on what she'll say to Caine

"But I never went to the Disc." -- Lorian
"Oh, too fucking bad, you're still an Ogre." -- Lauren

"Take me with you. If they see me with you, it will be all right." -- Lauren
"No! I am not going to get a reputation for sleeping with two-feet-tall hairy men wearing dresses." -- Lorian

"So Roland comes out dressed as Goth chick. Oh, that's going to go over well at Flora's party." -- Matthew Richardson to the group

"Horses have a lot of blood." -- Sean Frost
"Naaaay." -- R.F. McCaughey, speaking for Shapir the centaur

"I teleport him to my closet." -- Quinlan to GM
"Now Roland can come out of the closet." -- Kris Fazzari

"We're not in the closet, we're out of the closet." -- Jayson to the group

"Are you able to cast spells?" -- Macallan
"I never could before." -- Roland
"Oh shit!" -- Macallan

"I teleport you to my (warm, sunny beach) Shadow." -- Quinlan
"No!" - Roland and Macallan, the vampire and the succubus

"I want everyone to enjoy this game the same way I did. Covered with hair." -- Matthew Richardson to the group

"Hey, eight inches is eight inches." -- Jayson the pixie
"Yes, but that's all there is to you." -- Lorian
"It's more than there was before." -- Lauren

"You're teleporting (the demon) to Times Square?" -- GM
"It's not my Shadow, it's Flora's. Besides, it's Times Square, who's going to notice?" -- Quinlan

"There's now a great big layer of latex between us and the guards." -- Macallan to GM

"That's the most lame-ass theory I've heard in at least two con games." -- Sol Foster to the group

"Have you ever heard the expression 'Lies like a dog?'" -- Shapir to the group, about Bartholomew the kobold

"March, hare." -- Bartholomew to the Quinlan the rabbit

"Did someone put out the vampire?" -- Sean Frost to the group

"Bite me!" -- Lauren to Lorian
"Not you!" -- Lauren to Roland the vampire

"I hope you have a penis for the rest of your life!" -- Lauren
"I hope you grow nose hair!" -- Lorian

"I'm going to kick Random's ass, when I'm bigger." -- Lauren
"That's what all young Amberites say." -- Quinlan

"You have a hairy little man in a dress, hugging your leg." -- GM to Roland

"I'm sad." -- GM
"Wait, there's one more Oreo left!" -- J.P. Brannan

"This is the first time that 'kill, kill, kill' is a happy thought." -- Ian Ng to the group

"The scene that greets your eyes might give you small pause." -- GM
"I already have small paws." -- Bartholomew, waving his hands in the air

"You guys Trump Cedric. I'll get killed." -- Lauren to Lorian and Roland

"You're going to shoot Julian's dogs?" -- GM
"Uncle Julian will deal." -- Lauren

"I'm going to get you for that, Dad." -- Lauren to the group
"And your little dogs, too." -- R. F. McCaughey

"I had stats! And now I had fleas. Fleas! I suppose I could train them. Go get Cedric!" -- Bartholomew to the group

Ambercon

Kris' home page | Kris' RPG page

  Hellriders have passed through here since October 1, 1999.

Done by Kris Fazzari.

Game descriptions taken from the Ambercon X Game Book.

Quotes taken by myself, Lisamarie Babik, Simone Cooper, Sol Foster, Jack Kessler, Daric Kozlowski, R.F. McCaughey, Ian Ng, Jennifer "Rayser" Sinclaire, Michael Schloss and Brian Stanley.

Last modified on April 14, 2009 by Kris Fazzari.