Ambercon 2004 Quotes

"And If I Die Before I Wake..." by Mark MacKinnon and Jesse Scoble

Welcome to the Twilight of the age. In the 1990s, the governments of the world rapidly disintegrated and various social institutions crumbled in the face of accelerated social change. Almost by default, the superheroes took over.

Five billion years in the future, when the hydrogen in the Sun's core is mostly exhausted, its core will collapse. Its temperature will rise until the Sun begins fusing helium into carbon. The Sun's outer layers will swell and when the conversion to the new fuel source is complete, the Sun will extend out to the current orbit of Earth. Since the Sun's fuel source will not have increased in proportion to its size, though, the blackbody power law indicates that the surface of the Sun will turn a cool, deep red. The Sun will have become a red giant.

Unfortunately, it's only 2004 and the Sun is already dying. Across the globe, the masses have turned their eyes to the skies in hope, asking, "Where are the heroes now?"

Cast of Characters

"The sun is getting bigger, and it's turning red." -- GM Mark
"Boy, isn't that a pisser for Superman." -- Joe Saul

"On the invitation, when you read it...and you all do...." -- GM Mark to the group

"I don't use cats to commit crimes, I commit crimes to feed my cats." -- Catwoman

"I'm in the House of the Numerically Challenged." -- Chris Kindred to the group, upon learning that the House of One has two people in it

"Anybody here?" -- Bruce Banner, after everyone appears in a library in the House of Twilight
"Yes!" -- everybody else

"We were trying to bring back the goodness, the golden places that have been lost." -- Superman
"Hey, Vegas is still here!" -- Magneto

"With my vast telepathic powers, and my experience in doing stupid shit..." -- Martian Manhunter to the group

"You know, killing off 99.99% of the world's population won't make it a better place." -- Nightcrawler to the group

"What are we going to do now, join hands and sing 'Koom-ba-yah'?" -- Catwoman
"No campfires." -- Martian Manhunter

"A Ghost Story" by Rae Williams

The Final Scene: It's time for this one to wrap up. What have all the ghosts been doing these years? What is the purpose of Cat and the events in Tir-na Nog'th? All will be disclosed in this final episode.

Cast of Characters

"You didn't come very well equipped." -- Bron, regarding Kincaid's arrival in this alternate Amber, naked
"I came with all the weapons I needed." -- Kincaid

"Bandage Bleys with Bleeding Action" -- Ian Ng to the group, differentiating between Bleyses from alternate Ambers

"Shattered Mirror" by James Arnoldi

The storm has passed and the elder's return home with the new king, Random, but something is wrong in Amber. Shadows move and paranoia builds. The voices warn of danger. Is someone trying to make sure that Random's reign ends before it has begun?

Cast of Characters

"Like a freight Caine." -- Scott Whitney to the group, after Caine Trumps Corwin with A LOT of force

"Psychic attack! My heart!" -- Corwin
"That's one of the strangest instructions I've ever received, but okay..." -- Fiona

"Dragonslayers" by Jennifer Jackson and Deb Atwood

A sinister force, long thought destroyed, stirs from the dark of the Abyss that spawned it; called by a curse of a child of the Blood. The future of a kingdom is at stake. The tide of magic is rising. Will our heroes accept this challenge; will their mettle prove equal to the quest?

Cast of Characters

"Alexis is probably the youngest (character) at eight." -- GM Jennifer to the group
"At least physically." -- Michael Deneweth

"What's incest?" -- Alexis
"That's when you screw your brother or sister." -- Bridget
"No, that's a family meeting." -- Matthew

"I'm waiting for the eight-year-old to come and save me." -- Gabriel to the group

"Didn't somebody say something about the Pattern Room and something and something?" -- Gabi to the group

"Whoever we leave on the outside is probably the person we're going to need the most, so why don't we bring everyone with us?" -- Alyx to Matthew

"If you Trump Mark, do you get a Trump contact high?" -- Cal Westray to the group

"I have sorcery and conjuration but I can't comprehend a gravity well." -- Chuck to the group

"Let's stick together, we can be spread over more ground that way." -- Matthew to the group

"I want to try something." -- Matthew
"Oh God." -- Bridget
"Hey, I rarely blow up the castle. Rarely." -- Matthew

"So Bridget, you do these geeky things, what are we supposed to do?" -- Gabi, upon finding the group is in the "Tomb of Horrors" D&D game
"We're going to die horribly." -- Bridget

"Getting fingered by Gabriel is very different, isn't it?" -- GM Deb, after Gabriel extends an eye on one of his fingers to look under a door
"What, because he can see where he's going?' -- Scott Whitney

"(Gabriel's) too innocent to be smart." -- D.J. Quinn to the group

"If the Serpent's eye is the Jewel of Judgement, what does that make the Serpent's nuts?" -- GM Deb
"Just another set of jewels." -- Michael Deneweth
"Family jewels." -- Sarah Kindred

"I never got to play with the Deck (of Many Things), I was too distracted by the killing." -- Alexis to the group

"Fortune Favors the Bold (Again)" by Sol Foster

What happens when a group of swashbuckling Amberites gets together and decides to have a good time? If you'd like to find out, come to this game. The GM isn't providing a plot, but with all of infinite Shadow to play in, you ought to be able to find something fun to do.

Cast of Characters

"We can't see them very well, but we can feel the seduction from here." -- Rieys to the group, regarding Taryn and Dylan's sexual tension on the approaching airship

"I can't see past the billowing." -- Ian Ng to the group, regarding Dylan's billowing wardrobe

"I'm going to note that Sol has sprung a plot in a plotless game." -- Chris Kindred to the group

"Does (Dylan's love interest) look like a man?" -- Rieys to GM, still stuck on the man/woman/Internet thing
"She's a man, baby!" -- Chris Kindred, Austin Powers style

"As she looks up, she has a rapt..." -- GM
"A rat?" -- Ian Ng, mishearing
"No! Not a rat!" -- GM
[Mimicking Dylan] "I will come in an airship!" [Mimicking the woman] "And I will hold a rat!" -- Ian Ng

"Hans tends to all (Dylan's) needs?" -- Chris Kindred, regarding Dylan's able manservant
"He's a shapeshifter." -- Cal Rea
"Oh yeah." -- Chris Kindred

"Each step brings another memory, some of the hardest of your life." -- GM to Dylan, as he is carrying Taryn off the airship
[The peanut gallery giggles madly.]
"At the end there is a tremendous relief, and you fall on your knees." -- GM to Dylan
[More giggling.]

"We should Trump then! There's adventure to be had! Maybe there can even be fights to make money off of!" -- Dylan to the group

"So we're either going to find the evil or we're going to create it." -- Taryn to the group

"I don't know how he'd know about my correspondence. I've just been shoving messages into bottles and tossing them into the sea." -- Dylan to ?, regarding how so many of his family might be in the Shadow, expecting his arrival

"Back under water, I regain my senses." -- Dylan to the group

"Let's grapple." -- Pirate to Tabitha
"I assume you mean throwing lines over to the other ship." -- Cal Rea

"Something very big is coming to the surface." -- GM
"It's (Dylan's) ego!" -- Ian Ng

"Any dark secrets?" -- Carla Arnoldi to GM, regarding searching through Serena the Fair's mind
"She wears white, but she shouldn't." -- Ian Ng

"You can continue doing what you're doing and die, or you can do what I want to do." -- Tabitha to the pirate captain

"How much?" -- Pirate
"I'll take what I want and you can have what's left." -- Tabitha

"There is a boat that she can get onto, if she can get past the feeding frenzy." -- GM to ?, regarding Serena the Fair's options after being tossed into shark-infested waters

"He doesn't slobber. He saps." -- GM to the group, regarding Tabitha's wooden panther familiar

"What about Serena?" -- Taryn
"I look over the side of the boat. 'What about Serena?'" -- Dylan

"I need the love thingy off my boat." -- Tabitha to ?

"Adventuring when drunk is great. When you have two opponents, it's more fun." -- Rieys to the group

"It's the same outfit as Tabitha's, so if you show up in the same piratical place..." -- Chris Kindred to ?, regarding a potential fashion disaster

"I did exactly what I was supposed to do. When (Serena) spit on a Lord of Amber, I dropped her into a feeding frenzy of sharks." -- Dylan to ?

"I'm really amused that everyone's split up into two groups of two men and one woman." -- GM
"Redheads need two!" -- Carla Arnoldi

"They're Buffy. We're Goonies." -- Bridgette Ruggles to ?, regarding the nature of the two groups' raiding missions

"They all bore a family resemblance to (a painting on the wall)." -- Dylan to ?, regarding a family of vampires he recently killed
"In that they all had pointy teeth." -- Chris Kindred

"We can throw barrels at Donkey Kong." -- Chris Kindred to the group, remembering that there are full casks of wine in the airship, while fighting a 200-pound gorilla

"The Black Watch" by Christopher Kindred

The Courts of Chaos are the greatest and most ancient empire that has ever been or ever will be. The Courts are realms of honour, magic, intrigue, romance, mystery and duty. In the Courts both repartee and rapiers are highly prized and equally dangerous.

When danger threatens the Empire of Unrule, when mysteries confound and when betrayals abound, the Courts summon the Black Watch.

Cast of Characters

"We have no secrets here." -- Kris Fazzari
"Which of the 47 different words for secret in Thari are you referring to?" -- R.F. McCaughey

"I'm allergic to the strap-on things." -- David Vandenabeele to the group

"There are things you will be asked to do that no reasonable human being would do..." -- GM
"But that's OK, because we aren't reasonable or human." -- Kris Fazzari

"Jasmine is quiet most of the time, except for her occasional bouts of unremitting violence." -- Kris Fazzari to the group

"The Serpent is fickle." -- GM to the group

"Eh, it's just a Minobee with a chrome job." -- David Vandenabeele after hearing the description of Ariel's metallic hair

"Are there any other women in the group?" -- Kris Fazzari
"We don't know what Zaph is yet." -- Ian Ng
"Neither do I." -- J.P. Brannan

"When it comes to killing someone with style and grace and panache...you won't go to Zaphnastriel." -- GM to the group
"Can you teleport someone's innards out of them at 100 paces?" -- Zaphnastriel
"Neither can you." -- GM

"If zero is the highest Stuff (among the PCs), I'd be very scared." -- Ian Ng to the group

"Bad Stuff explains us being here. The Black Watch is like jury duty." -- Ian Ng to the group

"So you're actually out there enforcing the laws of Chaos?" -- GM
"Yes, unless there's some tradition of not enforcing the laws." -- Fingal

"You are summoned to Thelbane." -- GM
"I Logrus myself there, because it's so cool." -- Jasmine
"I Trump myself there, because I'm not sure I can walk." -- Zaphnastriel

"Swayvill is so old he actually predates stew." -- GM
"But stew predates everything. When primordial demons crawled out of the muck, the first meal they ate was stew!" -- Sol Foster

"I assume there is a Black Watch ready room of some kind." -- Randy Cox
"Yes, the Black Watch Room of Reasonable Comfort." -- GM

"So you leave Thelbane. People would ooh and aah at your leaving, but it's a secret mission, so they don't." -- GM to the group

"Stealth wyverns?!?" -- GM, incredulously, to the group

"How will we recognize these emissaries?" -- Fingal
"They're foreign. They'll talk with outrageous accents." -- GM

"I'm Trumping you from another game." -- David Blackwell (poking his head in the door) to Randy Cox

"You have found many things that are roughly box shaped. Some of them are not rocks." -- GM to Mercutio, who is searching for a "package"

"I'd just like to interrupt to note that I don't do anything." -- Zaphnastriel to GM, declaring his (in)action

"You see a pub moving along on legs." -- GM
"Could I catch up with it later, or will it have moved too far?" -- Ariel
"No, it is not a high speed pub." -- GM

"The pub goes where the pub is needed." -- Ian Ng to the group, on the nature of the crawling pub

"'Oh bloody hell.' That's the death cry of the Amblerash." -- J.P. Brannan to the group

"There are people in the pub whose luggage is being shredded right now. Boxes are being brutalized...." -- GM to the group, as Mercutio's search continues

"I wanted to talk to you about Trump madness (for Zaphnastriel), but I forgot." -- J.P. Brannan to GM

"It is not an epic journey, crawling stone over stone to Mordor, to get to the pub." -- GM to the group

"(The pub) may have more Psyche than (Zaphnastriel)." -- GM to the group

"I don't think I have enough good stuff not to be connected telepathically to everyone else." -- Fingal to the group

"I let the old man walk in (to the pub) first." -- Amelia to GM

"In this lovely pub crawling along on the back of what might be a giant beetle..." -- GM
"Beelzepub." -- Ian Ng

"I size up the members of the pub, in case we have to kill them all." -- Fingal
"What do you mean 'in case?' We're on a secret mission. They're not cleared." -- Zaphnastriel

"We are all equal here. Now just do as I say." -- Zaphnastriel to the group

"I just want to make sure I understand correctly. Your plan to eavesdrop on Trump is to impersonate the psyche of the highest warfare guy?" -- GM to Zaphnastriel

"I don't suppose there was a trio of foreign emissaries that you 'misplaced' somewhere?" -- Saras to Prince Rolovians

"Why have you chosen to travel via pub?" -- Zaphnastriel to Prince Rolovians

"Yes, you are all ominous and spooky, except for J.P.'s character, who looks like Mr. Burns with Trump powers." -- GM to the group

"Those who are watching see a disgusting display as the horses are rended and ripped apart by the Logrus." -- GM to the group
"Great, now I'm hungry." -- Jasmine

"In Chaos, the equivalent of the white flag is ripping out the guts of your commander." -- Kris Fazzari
"And that is why in the Black Watch, we are all equals." -- J.P. Brannan

"I'm beginning to think this 'we are all equals' organization sucks." -- Fingal to the group
"This is why (Amber) wins the war." -- R.F. McCaughey

"The warranty on your horse seems to have expired." -- R.F. McCaughey to the group, after the foreign emissaries' horses are shredded by Mercutio

"But we have not introduced ourselves. How rude. But we're on a secret mission." -- Zaphnastriel to the foreign emissaries

"The Logrus is ice cream. (The Pattern) is spinach. If you ever meet Merlin, he's spinach ice cream." -- GM to the group

"You've got a psychic combat going on here. There's no talking." -- GM
"Yes, but it's a very polite psychic combat." -- Zaphnastriel

"So you're very politely squishing his brain." -- David Vandenabeele to J.P. Brannan

"We can offer you a wyvern." -- Jasmine, making amends for the flaying of the foreign emissaries' horses
"And a towel." -- Zaphnastriel

"All we have to do is die in eight minutes and we'll end on schedule." -- Sol Foster to the group

"Ill Met in Amber" by Christopher Kindred

This is the city. Amber. A hotbed of intrigue, magic, swashbuckling adventure, and intrigue. It's a good place to live. And an easy place to die. A game of swashbuckling noir.

Cast of Characters

"As everyone else lies unconscious and bleeding, (Elyssa and Wesley) have lunch." -- Michael Curry to the group

"There's the political angle, there's the fantastic sex, there's the mind-numbing terror...." -- Scott Whitney to the group, on the advantages of getting involved with a member of the royal family

"I think that when I'm lobster red, it's going to be hard to seduce Gérard." -- Juliana to the group

"We like Benedict. He never talks to us." -- Wesley to the group

"I learned a lot while I was unconscious." -- Sean to the group

"This dress is coming off before the night is over." -- Liz Trumitch to the group

"This is not a summoning, it's not about control." -- Garrett to GM, explaining the séance she's about to hold
"We're just saying 'Hi'" -- Elyssa

"This is how I'm going to talk to Philip in the future when he's dead. Put out his alcohol. Sit there and drink." -- Juliana
"This is how you talk to him now!" -- GM

"If Juliana tells you that your sex life is messed up, you are so far beyond fucked up...." -- GM to the group

"The three rules of magic are consent, similarity, and I'm too drunk to remember." -- Garrett to Elyssa, Wesley and Varien

"I have no connection to you." -- Varien
"Well, I could use a secretary." -- Garrett
"I'm sure I could find you one." -- Varien

"Gérard could resist our combined will. A trained ferret could resist our combined will." -- Varien to Wesley

"We stop by the kitchen and bring Arryl a huge breakfast." -- Garrett to GM
"What do you want?" -- Arryl, when she sees the breakfast

"I am expendable." -- Garrett
"Don't I wish!" -- Max

"I care (about Genevieve)." -- Varien to the group
"He's done her." -- Liz Trumitch
"That doesn't mean (he) cares." -- D.J. Quinn

"So the short form is stay alert, trust no one, and keep your laser handy." -- Garrett to the group

"Shadowforce Oberon" by J.P. Brannan

They are ancient, mysterious, and powerful. Few know they even exist. Fewer know their names. For aeons they helped their master keep Amber safe. Oberon may be dead, but that doesn't mean their job is over.

This is a game for people that wonder how come the universe hasn't been blown up by marauding Rebman agents, torn asunder by Men in Green, been lost in a Texorami poker game, or otherwise gone down in a Blaze of Glory. Anything the Princes can do, the King has already done.

Cast of Characters

"Do you kill magically, at least?" -- TS9 to Johann, really wishing for a magical assassin in the party

"Please don't touch my nether regions." -- Johann to ?

"When the Queen Says, 'Go and Die...': Two and a Half Years After" by Christopher Kindred

"You are surrounded by beauty, by intrigue, by danger, what more can a man want?" -- Aramis

Two and a half years ago, the musketeers foiled a conspiracy against the throne. Old wrongs were righted and the lost were found. But new enemies were made and their memories are equally long....

Cast of Characters

"What exactly do you do with a battle scarf? Do you accessorize them into submission?" -- Lupin to Armand

"I was supposed to inherit the pub, but I was found to be too incompetent to run it." -- Bugger to the group
"Too incompetent to run a pub in France?" -- Kris Fazzari, incredulously

"It's my job on this mission to flirt with the Countess De Le Fleur and offer fashion advice." -- Alexis to the group

"It's a lovely theater. You can hardly see the spot where Antoine rode his horse through it (during the game two years ago)." -- GM to Charles and Alexis

"If you have particular needs or desires, we can accommodate them." -- Bugger to the group
"Are you running a brothel out of this tavern?" -- Kris Fazzari

"You need to shower once a month (to be in the Musketeers)." -- Bugger to the group, explaining why he wasn't accepted
"No you don't. This is France!" -- Kris Fazzari

"It would take several Pips to get a Bugger." -- GM to the group

"Armand has decent Panache, so he can use the scarf without looking like a girl." -- Kris Fazzari
"Yes. And he can dance too." -- Stephen Acton

"Actually, 'Bugger' comes from a French word which means something equally obscene. It was 'bouger,' which means 'fuck.'" -- Bill Gulstad
"Well, that adds depth to the character." -- John Czarnota

"Alexis and Charles are at the theater. So far, no one has died." -- GM to the group

"Are the Musketeers still wearing the blue uniforms, or have we gotten old enough to wear the black ones?" -- Alexis
"Somehow black and blue go together with the Musketeers." -- John Czarnota

"What have you been doing since you destroyed Spain?" -- GM
"I didn't destroy Spain. The Pyrenees, maybe." -- Alexis

"Yes, in the proud tradition of 'When the Queen Says Go and Die,' someone else gets your plot." -- GM to the group, after Alexis runs into Armand's nemesis

"When the Cardinal says 'Go and Die,' he really means it." -- GM to the group

"Are any of you doing anything in the tavern?" -- GM
"I'm going to order a leg of lamb, in case I need a weapon later." -- Lupin

"This is an opportunity for the rookies to prove their mettle." -- Marcel
"Uh oh." -- Pip
"Why are you worried? You have nothing to worry about. I'm the one who should be worried." -- Gaston, not the world's greatest fighter
"That's why I'm worried." -- Pip

"Is anyone actually not drawing a weapon?" -- GM
"I whip out my battle scarf." -- Armand

"I step in front of my brother." -- Pip
"Which is bad, since he was beginning a thrust." -- GM

"I will be subduing (the Cardinal's Guards) with my leg of lamb." -- Lupin
"And by subduing, you mean beating them senseless." -- GM

"I applaud your tactical sense. Not only are you rendering them unconscious, you are staining their uniforms." -- Alexis to Lupin, after he thwacks a guard with his leg of lamb

"Never before has so mighty a blow been struck with so delicious an object." -- Lupin to the group, after braining two more guards with his leg of lamb

"I had the leg of lamb set on stun." -- Lupin to the group

"They've got cave trolls!" -- GM, speaking for the Cardinal's guards, after they see Bugger and Lupin

"Why do you think Bugger has no Wits? It's not his Brawn, it's the points he paid for his ale-making equipment." -- GM to the group

"My main concern is getting people healed up, because it's good for what ales you." -- Bugger to the group, punning horribly

"I'm taking a carriage back to my uncle's quarters to change into something more suitable for the streets." -- Isobel to GM

"I'm going to go to Musketeer headquarters." -- Alexis
"I don't think that phrase has ever been uttered in the game before." -- GM
"I thought the tavern was Musketeer headquarters." -- Lupin

"Does Lupin still have his leg of lamb?" -- Marcel
"It is diminished, but still serviceable." -- Lupin

"We always wear our uniforms, for we are proud to be Musketeers!" -- Marcel
"And you don't have any other clothes." -- GM

"I maneuver my blade to be closer to me, because I know where Musketeers go, carnage will follow." -- Isobel to GM

"Like the X-Men, you can tell where the Musketeers have been by the carnage they leave behind." -- GM to the group

"And tragically, there was a three-horse pile-up." -- GM to the group

"Have you seen Marcel?" -- Alexis
"At your manor." -- Gaston
*Alexis blanches*

"Perhaps (Isobel) is Percy's fraternal identical twin." -- Lupin to the group, after noticing that Isobel looks an awful lot like her "brother"

"Isobel has recently returned..." -- GM
"From being Percy?" -- Kris Fazzari
"So far, (being a Countess) is the number one career for retired Musketeers." -- J.P. Brannan

"So you guys are going to enter the pub and cause massive destruction and damage?" -- GM
"It's what we do." -- Alexis
"It's what we live for." -- Marcel

"Henri's got nuns, and he's got the carriage. It's a good weekend." -- GM
"All you need to pick up nuns is a hot set of wheels." -- William Gulstad

"You have some kind of big weapon, don't you?" -- GM
"Usually I rip the arms and legs off of furniture." -- Lupin

"Morpheus Defiant" by James Arnoldi and Sol Foster

It has been over a year since Morpheus and his crew liberated Amber from the forces of Chaos. The process of rebuilding the Eternal City has been slow and political tension is building, as the magic of the Emerald Throne will not be able to sustain the life of King Julian much longer, and the question arises, "Who should succeed him?" Amber will need a strong leader in the years to come as it struggles to survive in the desert of the real. Meanwhile, Morpheus is assembling a team for a very special mission that may be the key to victory against the enemies of Amber.

Cast of Characters

"She's a sick fuck, she kisses. Their lips aren't reinforced." -- Leslie Lightfoot to GM, describing how Soul Catcher eats the souls of the cyborgs

"Then what are we doing together?" -- Vlad
"We were assigned to a mission. We want to save Julian." -- Aeryn
"We were told not to eat each other." -- Soul Catcher

"Soul Catcher's watching your back. Be afraid." -- GM James to Adrienne

"You're my little demon, and you're my little demon, and you're my little demon...." -- Soul Catcher, acquiring minions

"Your world is gone." -- Vlad
"But it was my job to protect that world." -- Tobie the barbarian
"Consider yourself fired." -- Vlad

"How rude!" -- Soul Catcher to the group, after the Paladin blesses her

"I assume we're provided with clothes at some point?" -- Matthew Richardson, playing an old man/necromancer
"Oh God yes!" -- GM Sol
"Good. Because that's more white than anyone wants to see." -- Matthew Richardson

"Blaze of Glory: Laws of God and Man" by Sol Foster

It began routinely enough, when a small island in the west was overrun with pirates. But the circle of their influence quickly spread. In a matter of weeks they shut down most of the shipping in the North Atlantic, with ruthless raids and wanton atrocities.

But most troublesome -- the seas they sailed were strangely becalmed for all vessels but theirs.

Cast of Characters

"Has (Lorian) turned her ship into a floating hydrogen bomb?" -- J.P. Brannan
"Fuck no!" -- Kris Fazzari
"(Ewan did that to his plane.) That's why (he) needs more aviation points." -- J.P. Brannan

"Bleys has left with my sister?" -- Jayne to GM
"Slept or left?" -- Kris Fazzari
"Both." -- Jennifer Woelke

"137 dead." -- GM, referring to the number of Sharks lost on various missions
"Surviving?" -- Jayne
"14." -- GM
"That'll make a great recruiting poster. Join us, our survival rate is up to almost 10%" -- Edwin Voskamp

"Oh come on people, Sol's worked at least five minutes on this plot, let's give him some time to finish." -- Edwin Voskamp to the group

"It's stormy (inside of the circle), but completely windless." -- GM to the group

"What are your colors?" -- GM
"I'd say black and green." -- Jayne
"Are you sure they aren't black and blue?" -- Kris Fazzari

"I don't believe in Santa Claus." -- Jeffery
"But you do believe in the Spider?" -- GM

"I practice hanging from the dirigible to make sure my (broken) wrists have healed OK." -- Jayne to GM

"I deploy the instruments." -- Philippe, approaching the storm
"Launch the trombone." -- J.P. Brannan

"I assume you deploy more rope?" -- GM to Philippe, as the air ship ascends
"We have plenty of rope to hang ourselves." -- Jennifer Woelke

"In the event of a water landing, Bleys' mistresses may be used as flotation devices." -- William Gulstad to the group

"The Sharks are praying for whatever Lord Bleys wants us to pray for." -- Jayne to GM
"The Sharks are really good at praying." -- Edwin Voskamp

"I invent the straightjacket for the mad Arab." -- Robyn to the group

"The laws of buoyancy do not apply to gases but still apply to liquids. Magnifique!" -- Philippe, explaining conditions inside of the circle
"Isn't he cool!" -- Zoe

"Maybe (the approaching dirigible) is here to save us!" -- Jayne to Lorianne
"And Lorianne laughed and jumped into the ocean." -- Cal Rea

"Is there napalm on board the ship?" -- the Spider to the group
"There's always napalm on board!" -- Kris Fazzari

"What kind of counter-measures do you use for cannon balls? Giant magnets?" -- Ewan to the group

"That's how the Elite Guard works." -- Cal Rea, after the Guard begins both boarding and firing on the dirigible
"Either we'll blow it up or we'll board it, so either way we're guaranteed success." -- Michael Curry

"Your keen mind tells you that if you were going to be putting a reality-altering generator somewhere, it would be that way." -- GM to Philippe

"OK, you're now dragging this burning, rotting man behind you, oozing pus." -- GM to Philippe

"I shoot the rotting flaming man in the ass with an explosive crossbow bolt." -- Ewan to GM

"I didn't put any points into warfare because I invented tech." -- Philippe to the group

"I'm going to yell, 'Sharks to me' and see if I get any dead ones." -- Jayne to the group

"We'll wait to see if (the undead Sharks) are friendly. Cut off their heads. It seems the best plan." -- Jayne to her Sharks

"I can't do this." -- Jayne, facing the zombie sharks
"Why not? You kill Sharks all the time." -- Kris Fazzari
"No, usually she just gets them killed." -- Jennifer Jackson

"Is there a mad scientist or an evil genius at the helm?" -- Philippe
"Well, we know there's a mad scientist here, because you brought him with you." -- GM

Player suggestions on how to identify the hooded man in black that Cyrano is fighting:
"Cut his head off, then you can see his face." -- Liz Trumitch
"Set his cloak on fire, then he'll have to take it off." -- Edwin Voskamp

"I don't think I want to be facing a flesh-eating zombie on its knees." -- the Spider to the group
"Especially since they've shown a predilection for biting." -- Kris Fazzari

"The girl Sharks are not incompetent." -- GM
"No, they know how far to poke somebody." -- Liz Trumitch

"His style is utterly unlike anything you've ever encountered." -- GM to Cyrano
"That's not a sword, that's a codfish!" -- Cal Rea

"All dirigibles explode in this game." -- Cal Rea
"We didn't explode the dirigible in Plotslavia. We shot it down." -- J.P. Brannan

"So you shoot out the zombies' pelvises. Or asses." -- GM
"Because we can take care of the arms and legs later. We just want to take care of the dangerous bits first." -- Cal Rea

"Jayne, you feel the bits of zombie flesh freezing to your skin." -- GM
"You know, I am so immune to nasty stuff that, whatever. I am used to being covered in gore and blood. I have a person to kill." -- Jayne

"I put my foot through the nasty creature's throat." -- Jayne
"It goes right through." -- GM
"OK. Can it talk?" -- Jayne

"I believe it may be time to make our exit." -- Cyrano to Jayne, as the dirigible sinks into the ocean

"We may have to jump, you know." -- Jayne to Cyrano
"Where? You've already crashed!" -- GM

"Can we have a land adventure?" -- Amir to the group, as he's drowning

"Although you seem to be losing the battle (to keep the giant heart beating), it does make an excellent flotation device." -- GM to Philippe

"The scientist who stuck his head in the bucket of water (to see if he could breathe water)? He was trying to get tenure (from Philippe)." -- William Gulstad to the group

"Heaving zombie bosoms!" -- GM to the group

"I'll go sit next to Cyrano and help him keep warm, since Ewan won't take his clothes off and help out." -- Jayne to the group

"Jayne will pick the ice off of (Cyrano) because she needs to warm up too." -- Liz Trumitch to William Gulstad

"I'm going to have official French body warmers to lay up naked against me whenever I get out of the bath." -- Philippe to the group

"Do zombies count as deserters?" -- Jennifer Jackson to the group

"I'm clearly not OK." -- Jayne to the group
"That's been obvious to the rest of us for years." -- Kris Fazzari

"Do the scientists want to earn their tenure or not?" -- Jill Pritts
"I haven't told them to eat the heart yet." -- Cal Rea

"(Philippe) was yelling something about changing the buoyancy of air and blah-blah physics blah-blah." -- Zoe to GM

"So after two hours of being fascinatingly disturbed by (Philippe's) disturbing fascination...." -- GM to Zoe

"We're going to lighten the boat by tossing the unconscious scientists overboard." -- Philippe
"What? OK." -- Zoe

"(Ewan's) flying the ship like a wind-powered plane. -- GM to the group

"So if this sword is codfish, and this sword is salmon, what is the third one?" -- Philippe
"It is obviously herring." -- GM

"Is Philippe about to be swallowed up by a white whale? Because if he is, I want nothing to do with it." -- Cyrano to GM

"You fire a broadside of cannons at...?" -- GM
"At the pelvis." -- Philippe
"At the pelvis of the snake!?!" -- Robyn

"(Ewan)'s trying to smack the snake's head with the ship's ass." -- Cal Rea to the group

"I'll make sure all of France knows to avoid (the Black Circle)." -- Philippe to the group
"Suddenly I'm picturing France motoring across the ocean." -- GM
"Don't give him ideas!" -- Liz Trumitch

"Force 10 from Avalon" by Chris Kindred

"It was in a pitiful condition in those days, and for generations I worked to restore it to its former glory."
- Benedict, The Guns of Avalon

The Demon Lord Corwin is gone, but his mark remains upon Avalon. The silver towers are fallen. Brigands and beasts roam the land. Witches and werethings stalk the woods.

Lord Benedict has selected you, his finest troops, to restore order to the realm.

Cast of Characters

"Um, what is (Ailric's) wife's name?" -- Keith Cripe, prior to Sasha taking over the role
"The Peanut Gallery suggests Faunimel." -- Ian Ng
"The GM will kill you dead if you go with Faunimel." -- GM
"Well, as I've no desire to die...Faunimel is right out." -- Keith Cripe

"Is Re-ku from a far eastern portion of Avalon?" -- GM
"Avaron?" -- Ian Ng, with a bad Japanese accent

"So I'm not missing out on some pop culture reference?" -- Sasha Burdick, on the Guns of Avalon/Guns of Navarone pun
"It's pop so old, it's flat." -- Ian Ng

"I'm sorry. I'm just thinking Named and Numbered children." -- Ian Ng to the group, while Ailric and Lamashtu's offspring are being described

"You would want...a Horde." -- GM to ?, regarding more children for Ailric and Lamashtu
"But she'd have to live in a shoe." -- John Lees

"The best thing about Named and Numbered children is you never have to worry about misplacing them." -- GM to the group
"I'll check in this hollow tree. Oh! Look!" *gestures pulling out a baby* -- Ian Ng

"Trevanian is clearly the luckiest, because he hasn't been mocked at all." -- GM to the group, reviewing rankings for Stuff

"I need two siblings. All you need to have is freaky stats." -- GM to ?, regarding Ailric and Lamashtu's babies as PCs
"Woohoo! The Endurance kid. 'Hi! I'm Bait.'" -- Ian Ng
"The sick thing is, these people are so competent that they can use them as bait." -- GM

"You are the Myrthyn. You arrive like the wind." -- GM
"I only break like the wind." -- The Myrthyn

"(Benedict's camp) looks like Lothlorien without the pansy elves." -- GM
"You mean they have butch elves?" -- John Lees
"Faunimel lives with them." -- John Czarnota
"In infinite Shadow, there are not butch elves." -- GM

"Paul, the Hound of Hull, and his Merry Men. Or maybe Not-So-Merry Men. His Discontent..." -- GM
"His Surly Men." -- Ian Ng

"You'd like to retire but you can't, because you'd never see your grandchildren, because (Lamashtu's) always out adventuring." -- GM to Tanyc

"It's all over for me. I'm just debriefing with Benedict. Well, not that kind of debriefing." -- The Myrthyn to the group, on his past, which is everyone else's future

"There are more embarrassing ways to die than autoerotic asphyxiation." -- GM to the group

"All I said was that (Lintra) was disarmingly attractive." -- Paul Deckert to the group

"Benedict, will you watch our kids?" -- Keith Cripe, envisioning a hypothetical Benedict baby-sitting situation
"I will raise them as my own...I will raise them as if they were unrelated to me. I will show them love and affection." -- GM

"You are an extension of General (Benedict's) good right arm." -- The Myrthyn on the role of the group

"We have the Sultry Men." -- Tanyc
"That's the Surly Men." -- Paul Hailey

"We have infants in this battle. We can have the violence, but not anything else." -- GM to the group, on sensual descriptions and actions in game

"Afterward, when we've released the irrelevant-to-the-plot prisoners, I want a word with our sorcerers." -- Tanyc to ?

"Let us encounter the Witch of the Tavern." -- Ian Ng to the group, trying to make the final confrontation easier

"Eventually, the Myrthyn is sitting on your shoulder, naked, taking a shit." -- GM to ?, after the Myrthyn returns from a scouting mission while in bird form

"It feels as if the Witch...the Wuh...the Wolf Woods...the alliterative trees of evil were watching you ." -- GM to ?

"If your babies are about to be eaten by the witch, I will eat them first to save them." -- The Myrthyn to Lamashtu

"Mere mortals cannot understand Fate...or the Myrthyn, who is Fate's bitch." -- GM to the group

"Not all the Surly Men are awake, because that would just be stupid." -- GM to the group, on setting a guard for the night
"And make them more surly." -- Ian Ng

"I don't want to kill your men." -- David Vandenabeele, on sending the Surly Men into potentially dangerous situations
"Don't worry about it. I can just look in a hollow tree. 'Oh! Look! More!'" -- Ian Ng

"It's easy to be useful if you already know what you did." -- David Vandenabeele, on the Myrthyn's foresight
"It's remembering what order you did it in that's a bitch." -- GM

"It's quite possible this is the witch's maiden form." -- The Myrthyn to ?, regarding a woman encountered in the Wolf Woods
"Not the underwear." -- Paul Burdick, clarifying

"Oh no! The fertilizer's about to hit the rotary oscillator!" -- John Lees to the group

"Diplomacy, spelled H-E-A-D-B-U-T-T." -- David Vandenabeele to ?

"I'm sure that Astynn gives an answer that is brave, heroic, and pithy." -- GM to ?, covering for the early departure of a player at a crucial moment

"As I understand it, the oath (that bound the fellowship of nine (plus the babies and the Surly Men)) was you were going to "make Avalon a better place, God damn it!'" -- GM to ?

"Basic Training" by Stephen Acton

You have always known you were special. You are meant to lead. Power is your birthright. So when the old guy at the bar started talking about how noble and powerful you looked, it just made sense to you. And, hey, as long as he was buying the drinks you were willing to listen to his flattery. He was charming and seemed harmless enough. However, now that you have woken up in a strange room with no idea how you got here, that might not have been your best display of good judgement.

Cast of Characters

"Are you eating the blue stew or the red stew?" -- Ben Fogt to John Czarnota, after the mysterious old man offers some to Gilbert

"The sky is bluer than you're used to. Bluer than blue." -- GM
"A lot bluer, since I'm used to red." -- Trilia-dan

"Clothing by Ming of Mongol." -- Leslie Lightfoot to the group, describing her character

"I'm not allowed to answer any question except for where breakfast is." -- servant
"By whose orders?" -- Gilbert
"My boss." -- servant
"He's not Canadian, is he?" -- Gilbert
"That's a question." -- servant

"I'm used to waking up on the floor and not remembering how I got there." -- Roflolo to GM

"What kind of establishment did they put me in? Am I in Canada?" -- Roflolo to the group

"If you attempt to attack me or coerce me, you will be trapped here forever." -- Ralph
"So our punishment is to be trapped in a place with real eggs and coffee?" -- Nori, disbelieving

"Look, you're the son of a Con geek!" -- Geoffrey to Gilbert, after seeing a picture of Caine

"Is there a good way to itch?" -- Richard DiTullio
"As in 'I'm itchin' to go out hiking.'" -- John Czarnota

"Out of the bushes come what look like Ewoks on crack." -- GM to Gilbert, Nori and Vanya

"I am so not Daphne (from Scooby Doo)." -- Trilia-dan to the group

"No wonder (Roflolo) wanted someone else to get his cup of coffee." -- Kris Fazzari to the group, after learning that Ben Fogt sold his strength down to Human rank

"(Roflolo's) unarmed?" -- Trilia-dan
"He has two arms, but no weapons." -- GM
"I have a cell phone." -- Roflolo

"These things were supposed to kill us, and now we love them." -- Ben Fogt
"Weapons are funny that way." -- Richard DiTullio

"We were attacked by strange creatures with poisoned axes." -- Nori, on her cell phone with Roflolo
"They were attacked by strange creatures with poisoned axes." -- Roflolo to Trilia-dan and Geoffrey
"Are they all right?" -- Trilia-dan
"What happened? -- Roflolo to Nori
"The creatures are all dead." -- Nori
"They're all dead." -- Roflolo to Trilia-dan
"What?" -- Trilia-dan
"Do you have speaker phone?" -- GM

"Remain in communications please. I want to hear if they blow up." -- Trilia-don to Roflolo

"How big is the crystal?" -- Trilia-dan
"About the size of Gilbert's head." -- Vanya
"Wow, that is big." -- Kris Fazzari

"I had an aunt that called it a foyer, but mostly we just called them doors." -- Gilbert, in his best West Virginia mountain accent, to the group

"I forsee live-action Frogger ahead." -- Roflolo to the group, after they find the treasure map leading to the crocodile pit

"I'm committing myself now, and we'll see if they goof me up." -- John Czarnota to GM
"I'll pay a point to goof him up." -- Ben Fogt

"(Gilbert) is carrying flowers (when he comes back inside)." -- GM to Trilia-dan
"They're for you." -- Robert DiTullio
"Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do" -- Kris Fazzari, singing the intro to the "Dueling Banjos" song from Deliverance

"Canadians!" -- Gilbert, upon seeing ninjas in his room
"Does your character even know what a Canadian looks like?" -- Ben Fogt
"When you've been at war for years, and you're attacked in the middle of the night, what's the first thing you think of?" -- John Czarnota
"Canadians?!?" -- Ben Fogt, incredulously

"(Nori) figures if (Roflolo's) got ninjas hanging (by their necks) outside of (his) window, that's probably a pretty good 'keep away' sign." -- Kris Fazzari to the group

"Are there whiskey and coffee next to my bed in the morning?" -- Gilbert
"No." -- GM
"Are there dead ninjas on the floor in my bedroom?" -- Gilbert
"Yes." -- GM

Ambercon

Kris' home page | Kris' RPG page

  Hellriders have passed through here since June 1, 2004.

Done by Kris Fazzari.

Game descriptions taken from the Ambercon 2004 Game Book.

Quotes taken by myself, Ian Ng, and other anonymous donors.

Other web pages with quotes and/or commentary on Ambercon 2004 include:

Last modified on April 15, 2009 by Kris Fazzari.