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Ira Turd Fergusson

Music by Jack Carder and Kevin McKay
Lyrics by Eleanor Schmitt

Howard’s unaccepted son
One who dared not to succumb
Digging once the summer sun
Had fallen ‘neath the city slums

Intermittent education
Let him travel ‘cross the nation
Went to school ‘til kingdom come
Striving to become someone

Specialized in counseling
For couples who exchanged rings
Heard a story from each one
Wouldn’t let ties come undone

Howard’s unaccepted son
Published books ‘til he was numb
Writing while the summer sun
Was falling ‘neath the city slums

Prelude to Retaliation

Music and lyrics by Eleanor Schmitt

Underneath it all
Even the greatest men feel small
When turned away

Well Bred

Music and lyrics by Joshua Bertram

Father is the head of the household
Mother breast feed your baby
Working wives be your age

Ph.D, B.A.
I am a doctor, so listen to what I say
You are either crazy or dead
Maybe you just were not well bred

Good manners for an index of breeding
Dirty old man, no dirty old women
When the wife has a hysterectomy or mastectomy

Ph.D, B.A.
I am your doctor so listen to what I say
I see what I see and I'll tell you your problems
I’ll make you better
You are either crazy or dead
You were not well bred
Help me Ira, I don’t know what to do
Fix my wife, fix my children

Ph.D, B.A.
I am your doctor, listen to what I say
I see what I see, I saw what I saw
You’re either crazy or dead
Let's make this world a better place
Make this man a better man
Make this wife a better wife
I’m either crazy or dead inside
I was not well bred
Let's just make this world a better place

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