Jared uth Wistan

By Bread Alone

I remember little of things after... meeting with the others, finding my faith in the bond between Mythos and I yet again... riding back to Amber with Cordelia, and then the long, slow ride to the Cathedral, dank skies drizzling rain upon us.

I broke the news to Grandmother as best as I knew how, and I remember being surprised at how she bore it -- unflinching. I wondered if privately she'd break down, not wanting to show her anguish in front of me. I wondered if I'd be so strong should similar happen to me.

It was not until she turned to me, bearing Jenner's sword, that I got the distinct feeling that something that I was not going to be comfortable with was going to happen.

*****

I'd only had a personal meeting with Lady Crysania once; I was sent, as a Knight of the Sword, to be the representative of my order to the Council of Whitestone to discuss the motivation of the troops who had invaded the eastern continent. Though I knew her to be blind, her eyes seemed to train right on me, conscious and aware; the aura about her (and only her) suggested that she held a very special place in the eyes of both mortals and gods alike.

When I had first met my Grandmother, Gwyn, I had felt a small bit of the same in her, though she seemed much more practical and grounded. With what she had said to me last evening, though, that aura that we put in our own eyes, when we look at those who we see as beings who hold special places -- that glow faded, and I saw a woman who had borne a great weight of a certain kind to be replaced with a burden of mourning.

She was tired, and her one rock, her one support, lie dead in front of her. Accordingly, I cannot blame her for wanting to offer what she did to me; no, the issue I had was with the person she wanted to fill the position. Namely, me.

The position of High Priest is not merely political, though there is no denying that in this place, politics plays a large role. It seems, however, that I am the only person who sees this as a sacred position, requiring the deepest bond between mortal and the divine. It is sacrosanct; inviolate. When one priest cannot carry on in that role, the successor should be chosen not by a man's whim, not by popular opinion, not because of the candidate's qualities or position, and not to curry favor. It should be the will of the Gods.

While I cannot rectify my lack of faith in the nebulous "light" that this Church worships, I do understand that the position of the Church is precarious now, and that strong leadership and cementing ties with what seems to be a fragile kingdom are necessary. I was not lying when I'd admitted to Mythos that I'd already begun to think in a mode where I was laying out plans. I do not fear the yoke of responsibility, nor opposition from any man.

The question is, can I stand in front of that altar and lie to those who truly believe?


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