Yes, like all worthwhile religions, this one too has a bit of a seamy underbelly. But in this case, a full one. Our schisms are profound, and have a deep impact on all our lives. Or at least they would if we weren't all so ... so ... silly.
As I have said before, this religion needs a dietician more than a theologian. Or maybe they're one and the same. Read on....
Once upon a time it was said that a division arose between the Goddess and her faithful Chief Dervish. The Dervish spake unto the Goddess, saying "Did you have any breakfast this morning?" for the Goddess is truly whimsical and sometimes forgets to eat and makes herself sick that way.
And the Goddess did reply, "Yes, I had a Pepsi."
And the Dervish was dumbfounded, saying "a Pepsi is not a meal."
And the Goddess said, "Yes it is."
And the Dervish said, "No it isn't."
And the Goddess said, "Yes it is."
And the Dervish said, "No it isn't."
And they continued in this way for some time.
And eventually the topic switched to Coke, and whether a Coke was a meal, but the differences remained.
The Dervish, however, realized that perhaps if all the worshippers banded together, the Goddess might be brought to seeing the error of her ways....
An informal poll conducted by the Dervish revealed uniform support from all worshippers polled -- until....
treachery ... deceit ... outright favoritism ....
A number of worshippers changed sides when they discovered just exactly where the Goddess stood on the issue.
Only a courageous few retained the courage of their principles to stand with the Dervish.
And that is where things stood when the Ancient History ended, and Recent History began....
...and coke is too a meal!
...of course it is. in combination with, say, rice or chicken, for example. ;)
a regular coke is a meal, but not a diet coke.
what? changing your tune are you? well, not me, dammit ... a schism won't work without *two* sides.... :)
A Coke is still not a meal. If a Coke was a meal, I'd be a hobbit. :)
Quick, check his toes for hair!
yay! the schism survives!
<poke> to the dervish. that has always been my opinion of the issue. <poke> <poke> <poke> why can't a schism have three sides????? <poke> <poke> <poke> <poke>
of course. in any schism there is the correct side, and all of the poor misguided souls. we can be tolerant of the chief dervish...and all his poor, misguided flaws. 8^)
I don't see how you could call a coke a meal. it doesn't fill you up.. ok it may give you a little bit of calorie intake but it's not enough. maybe because my metabolism is fairly fast if I just have a coke for a meal I start feeling dizzy and tired and really fucking hungry
regular coke has a zillion calories and taste like syrup, and thus i believe it constitutes a meal. or at least a snack. diet coke (tho i'd prefer pepsi) is basically colored carbonated water with some flavour thrown in, and thus does not constitute a meal.
tho when in doubt i defer to the opinion of the goddess, of course. :)
I would be willing to compromise on the "snack" point. I do, however, stand by the statement that a Coke is NOT a meal.
Anybody got a dictionary handy? What does it say under "meal"?
this opens up a whole new line of theology, tho...when does a snack become a meal? you could eat, say, a strand of spaghetti, and that wouldn't be a meal. but if you ate a whole pile of spaghetti with some sauce thrown on top, that's a meal. the theological implications boggle the mind.
it could be like morning and just have a relative meaning
ah, yes controversy! schisms! bwahahahahaha!
i could be really chintzy and pick a semi-random definition of "meal" but I won't (*my* dictionary says "the portion of food taken at one time to satisfy appetite" -- sorry, Coke, staff of life though it is, isn't *food*).
1. meal \'me-(*)l\ n [ME meel appointed time, meal, fr. OE m<a-e>-l; akin to OHG]ma-l time, L metiri to measure - more at MEASURE 1: the portion of food taken at one time to satisfy appetite 2: an act or the time of eating a meal
2. meal n [ME mele, fr. OE melu; akin to OHG melo meal, L molere]to grind, Gk myle- mill 1: the usu. coarsely ground and unbolted seeds of a cereal grass or pulse; esp : CORNMEAL 2: a product resembling seed meal esp. in particle size or texture
Looks like under the first part of definition 1, Coke could be considered a meal, if you have that kind of an appetite. :)
...I'll still balk at defining Coke as food, I think. Gotta keep the schism alive.
by that definition, if coke satisfies your appetite, it is a meal. i would doubt this, however.
geez. now we're gonna have to define food too...
food \'fu:d\ n [ME fode, fr. OE fo-da; akin to OHG fuotar food, fodder, L] often attrib panis bread, pascere to feed 1a: material containing or consisting of carbohydrates, fats, proteins, and supplementary substances (as minerals) used in the body of an organism to sustain growth, repair, and vital processes and to furnish energy; esp : parts of the bodies of animals and plants consumed by animals 1b: inorganic substances absorbed by plants in gaseous form or in water solution 2: nutriment in solid form 3: something that nourishes, sustains, or supplies
See definition 3. :)
okay, coke is food and can be ingested and thus can be a meal! yay!
Ah, but do we go by the letter of the law, or the spirit of it?
I emailed Coke on this. Still awaiting a response.
obviously, we go by whatever leaves me at the correct end. :)
wow! the dervish is usurping the authority of the goddess? (notice how i left off the "chief" part, since he'll probably be demoted now. :)
now, she never claimed to be infallible, just whimsical. :)
...besides what authority? ;)
ooh! how dare you insult the goddess!!!! <poke> <poke> <poke> <poke>
Now, the Goddess for all Her glory is not infallible. If She were, then She would be a boring sort of demiurge. The Goddess is fallible and thereby cool; for instance, this allows Her the honor of sacred non-sequiturs. It's like Norse myths-- who's more interesting, oh-so-perfect Balder or Thor? Who would you rather hang out with (cool comic books notwithstanding)?
...hey, if *I* don't insult the goddess, who will? :)
I offer this as proof as her fallibility: if she were infallible, she would know that *I*'m right about the sacred schism. And admit so. Publicly. ;)
coke is a beverage and beverages aren't meals... hhhrrrmpp!
Coffee is a meal.
Coffee isn't a meal unless you chew the beans by the handful, in which case you're working *way* too hard to get your meals.
Most things that would ordinarily be inedible automatically become such once Tabasco Sauce is added. Trust me on this one, I went to Bug Camp. Coffee = very cheap, very quick meal = substitute for sleep
that would depend on how much sugar and stuff is added to the coffee. i can't really judge, cos i hate coffee, and i'm not going to martyr my taste buds to figure it out.
how can the goddess be infallible if she declared my adverbs infallible (notice how i don't use them often)? and even if she *is* fallible, that doesn't mean she's wrong in this particular instance.
don't despair, oh great and chocolatey indigo! i'll forever be your humble servant, and will acknowledge your greater wisdom in life's important issues like the current troubles we face.
...are we talking about the same goddess here? ;)
as the official goddess-in-training, i humbly must take the place of her low-maintenanceness in her absence and offer the following:
Geez, looks like a Commodore 64 machine language program....
Anyway, I have been forced to rethink my position on this argument.
Look at it this way: we eat things like macaroni and cheese, ramen noodles, and Chef Boy-ar-dee all the time. Now, if we were real adults and made plenty of money, we wouldn't consider these real meals. Therefore why should a Coke or a cup of joe be any different?
er ... because I say so? No? Gimme a second to think about it.
<dervish> Because *I* say so. </dervish>
Besides, drinking Coke without eating anything upsets my stomach to a seriously painful degree, therefore it *can't* be a meal by itself.
or you just have a sensitive stomach. brought on by the realization that you're *wrong* about the coke schism.
it is too a meal.
and i never claimed infallibility for me......8^)
nor much in the way of authority.
but i commend the pope GITs virtual pokes to the ribs anyway. 8^)
glad to be of service...especially when it involves poking kyle in the ribs. :)
...kyle = me
as long as it's only in the ribs </crass>
i remove myself from the schism as being unqualified to comment on the mealness of carbonated beverages as i can only tolerate said beverages when accompanied by pop or pizza.
i thought that *was* a carbonated beverage!
i hereby give notice that my position on the pop as a meal controversy has changed. in that i did have a pop as a meal today, and i did (for some strange reason) find it satisfying, i will concur that pop can be a meal.
i still stand by the assertion that pop should not be a meal and concur with the stipulation that the mealness of pop does not extend to diet pop. the high priestess has spoken.
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...but also I should say that the conversations on this page (indeed, even as unto the conversations on the Inquisition's page) are taken from the University of Michigan's Meet-Students computer conference.
Meet-Students: Because You Can't Make A Fruitcake Without Nuts