I am pleased to report that the incidence of heresy this month has been very small. In fact, with the exception of Ingrid, no one I have tortured this month has even heard of this religion, so they have been unable to deny its truth. I attribute this to the eternal vigilance of The Inquisition and its chief weapon of fear and surprise.
Ingrid, when I attempted to cleverly trap her by asking, "Are you a heretic?", sneakily replied, "No." I have therefore been unable to prove any heresy on her part. She also still responds well to head scritching.
This concludes the report of this Inquisition for this sacred fiscal quarter. I am now resigning from this conference.
INQUISITION REPORTS: THOUSANDS OF CONVERTS!
IMPARTIAL POLL REVEALS GODDESS WORSHIP RAMPANT IN COMMUNITY!
NO NEED TO RAZE TOWN WITH FIRE AND SWORD!
The Inquisition is pleased to report that the results of an impartial poll last Saturday revealed beyond a shadow of a doubt that nearly everyone in our community is actually a closet Goddess-worshiper and abides by her tenets, fearing the results should they fail.
The poll was distributed to 5000 lightly stoned natives and was phrased as follows:
Would you rather:
The Inquisition is thrilled and delighted to report that EVERY SINGLE RESPONDENT checked "1", proving their loyal, if unadmitted, devotion. It is the opinion of The Inquisition that many of them should be put to the sword anyway, but that's another issue.
The Inquisition would like to further report that it is miffed about not being told about Rocky Horror, especially as it has a nice skirt which it has never had a chance to wear.
This ends the report of The Inquisition for this period.
NEWS FLASH: INQUISITION RAIDS HOME OF INQUISITION! ARRESTS INQUISITION ON CHARGES OF HERESY!
The Inquisition, in an attempt to prove that no one is safe from its dread and fearsome hand, even itself, burst into its own home last night in a surprise raid. The Inquisition promptly threw open its cabinets, all the while protesting the invasion vociferously, and, to its horror, discovered secreted in the back of one of the kitchen cupboards a nearly full bottle of Canola Oil. The Inquisition immediately arrested itself on charges of conspiracy to fry the Goddess, despite its numerous protests of its innocence and vain attempts to prove that it used the Canola for nothing more heretical than making felafel.
The Inquisition immediately tied itself to the comfy chair and beat itself savagely with implements far too terrifying to describe to anyone who has eaten within the last century. Despite these horrifying . . . er, horrors, The Inquisition throughout protested its devotion to the Goddess. It is suspected the The Inquisition was not susceptible to the torture because it was actually enjoying it, but it was impossible to prove this and so, due to a lack of hard evidence, the Inquisition was let free under the proviso that it will be under constant watch by The Inquisition.
The entire raid and subsequent torturing session were conducted in the holy vestments of a navy blue vest with no shirt and a filmy ankle-length skirt covering fishnet stockings, as has been prescribed by the Goddess, praise to the ground upon which she expectorates.
Here's what people are saying about the latest raid by The Inquisition:
"I am shocked, disgusted, revolted, repelled, repulsed, nauseated,
angered, upset, concerned, incensed, ticked off, horrified, terrified,
sick with fear, and have a strange tingly sensation all up and down
my left side as a result of this latest grotesque miscarriage of
justice by the deranged and violent forces of the so-called 'Inquisition.'
I don't for a second believe that The Inquisition was guilty - I know
The Inquisition personally and its devotion to the Goddess is
unquestionable. I think this is just an attempt by a ruthless,
power-hungry, and probably poorly toilet-trained individual to instill
a reign of fear and terror among innocents who have done nothing
wrong. I recommend that The Inquisition be shot."
"I applaud the actions of The Inquisition. I have always thought that
The Inquisition was sick and deviant and awful and yucky and in
general not worth spitting upon. It wouldn't surprise me in the
least if it was guilty of everything it had been accused of. I
recommend that The Inquisition be shot."
"I loved it. It was better than 'Cats'. I'm going to watch The
Inquisition torture itself again and again. PS I recommend that
The Inquisition be shot."
The Inquisition - it's not just a job, it's a strange obsession with sharp objects.
This concludes the report of The Inquisition for this sacred week, thank Goddess.
PS Welcome Karmic Weasel. You have been investigated and whatever heresies you harbor in your deviant mind have been too cleverly hidden for The Inquisition to detect, so it is allowing itself to be extremely happy that you have joined our flock until such time as this situation changes.
as a divine reward for making the goddess laugh herself sick, the inquisition may chose among 3 rewards:
A lego . . . torture chamber . . . SET???!!!!!
*ABASES SELF BEFORE GREATNESS OF GODDESS*
*DECLARES UNWORTHINESS BUT ACCEPTS GIFT ANYWAY*
*worshipworshipworshipworshipworshipworship*
Wait a minute . . . we have a schism . . . which means we have disagreement . . . implying at least one side is wrong in a theological argument . . . which could conceivably fit the definition of . . .
HERESY!
Yes, the time has come! Our religion is clearly riddled with heresy over the burning questions of the mealness of coke and the choice of beverage! (Personally I think they both taste like malted battery acid but that's off the topic.) Unfortunately, since we still do not have a theologian, it is currently impossible to determine which side, if either, is good, pure, noble of heart, devoted to the goddess, and in general warm and fluffy, and which side consists entirely of evil nasty no-good rotten-to-the-core HERETICS!
Luckily, The Inquisition is not without means to determine this issue, for we are now armed with:
The Dreaded Lego Iron Maiden
The Feared Lego Wrack
The Awful Lego Pincers
The Horrible Lego Whip
The Demented Lego Vat of Acid
The Demonic Lego Electrodes
The Somewhat Unsuccessful Lego Hot Irons (they melted)
The Painful Lego Thumbscrew
The Revolting Lego Wheel of Woe
The Annoying Lego Foot-Tickler
The Indescribably Evil Lego Barry Manilow Tape
The Unstoppable Lego Bone-Crusher
The Really Big Lego Club
The Legendary Lego Bottomless Pit
The Agonizing Lego Bamboo Shoots
The Wicked Lego Knives
The Bizarre Lego Hallucinogenic Drugs
The Insane Lego Red Ant Colony
The Generic Lego Torture Device
The Inconceivable Lego Chinese Water Torture Chamber
The Horrifying Lego Wedgie Machine
The Inescapable Lego Room 101
And the simple yet deadly
LEGO OF DOOM!
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
So, um, I'll need some volunteers who want to prove their loyalty to the Goddess by coming through all of that without confessing any heresy. Come on, it'll be fun! Well, for one of us, anyway. Please? Please please please please? The Inquistion'll be your friend if you do.
Do I actually *want* the Inquisition to be my friend? ;-)
I like pretty much any kind of hedonism, particularly those which are illegal, immoral, demented, or just plain unsanitary. But fattening is good, too.
Incidentally, given that it is my job to be a vile organization that persecutes, prosecutes, executes, lacerates, macerates, incarcerates, defenestrates, and in general causes pain, misery, and torture in the name of abstract truth for my own ends, does it confuse anyone else that the Pope G.I.T. seems to be primarily concerned about my copyright violations?
Also, Judicial Champion, The Inquisition doesn't really care if you're a nasty and vile devotee of the Goddess or a warm and fluffy devotee of the Goddess, as long as you're a devotee of the Goddess. My job is to root out heresy, not vileness; nasty and vile devotees fall under the provenance of the Official Smiter of all that is Nasty and Evil and Just Plain Wrong. You may see her if you feel you need to be smitten.
But all this is not the point of this entry; I am really writing today because I feel it is time for a test of this religions' devotion to the Goddess, in the name of routing out heresy and having a good old hedonistic time.
Since it is difficult to have tests where you don't throw Play-Doh or fail to fry the Goddess, I feel that it is time for the
The basic principles of the event are simple; you come to the Diag at the appointed time and demonstrate your true devotion to the Goddess by proving your stamina. As an incentive, prizes will be awarded to top competitors in established categories. The last-place losers will be thrown into the traditional pit of boiling weasels. Categories will include:
Ben and Jerry's will be served. No Play-Doh throwing, please. Ticket proceeds will benefit the religion. What do y'all think?
The Inquisition is sorry that its reports have been sparse this summer, but it was in intense training for the 1996 Summer Inquisition in Atlanta. Inquisitors from all over the globe have flocked to this Georgia Town to compete in events such as Maniacal Cackling, Applied Electricity, and Religious Genocide. Competitors are housed in the lovely Diabolic Village, where they dwell in apartments modeled after Torquemada's original Torture Chambers.
The American team has done fairly well this far, placing in such events as Frothing Cant, Psychological Intimidation, and Mechanical Ingenuity. The Eastern Block is not the titan it once was since the breakup of the unified KGB into several smaller organizations, but keep an eye on them, particularly the Albanians, for showings in the events they are traditionally strong at, although the top-seeded Chinese team is likely to defeat them at Cult of Personality and Human Rights Violations this year.
But the field is wide open this year to big and small teams alike in such important events as Random Arrests, Persecution of Intellectuals, Mass Slaughter, and the much-coveted Torture medals (for the one-hour, one-day, one-week, and one-month events). Scrappy little teams from religious dictatorships, minor cults, and crackpot organizations stand a chance of upsetting the big religious coalitions and secret police organizations in a number of events. Your own Inquisition is considered to have an outside chance in the Double Speak, Insane Justification, and Twisted Reasoning categories. Please remember to cheer it on during the prelims. Remember, small cults like ours are just as important to horror world-wide as the big religions.
Yea Team! Yea and verily, TEAM!
go, inquisition, go! rah rah rah!
...you know, failure to support the inquistion might be heresy...
..but if the inquisition doesn't place well, perhaps his devotion isn't what it should be....
8^)
So? Even if he isn't a world-class Inquisition, he's *our* Inquisition and I consider it a great honor to be persecuted by him. As long as he doesn't thwap me in the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.
yeah, that's the job of the pope
really? i thought that came under the smiter's role.
Egad! It's a schism!
no, not really, we've been squabbling over who gets to do what from the beginning.
Well yes, but just because it's the same old schism doesn't mean that it's any less a schism.
Just so long as people don't get this one confused with the Coke as a meal one.
i think we decided that i was more fun that way: the squabbling has been oficially endorsed. so on a meta level, it's not a schism.
i consistantly thwap the judicial champion on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper in matters not remotely concerning the religion. is this a bad thing??
as a detached scientific observer, i say, "no, it's a fine thing" 8^)
*whew* good. i'm glad i got a detached scientific opinion on that one. :) :)
...and the Goddess' detached scientific opinion at that.
The Inquisition, in a display of team spirit that brought tears to the eyes of advertising executives everywhere, heroically sacrificed its chances in the rest of the Olympics by throwing itself into a runaway chipper-shredder which had gone haywire during the final rounds of the Group Torture event. The chipper-shredder had been heading directly towards several of The Inquisition's team-mates who had been trapped under a fallen beam during an earlier part of the round and left there in accordance with event rules.
When, immediately after the incident, hordes of reporters descended upon the still-bloodied Inquisition with an eagerness that can only be described as leech-like, The Inquisition explained its noble action by saying, "I did it . . . because winning . . . isn't as important as . . . appearing on talk shows and getting lots of money making commercials and bad movies . . . as a result of a temporary celebrity status."
The Inquisition was then rushed to the hospital, pausing only to sign autographs for a modest fee.
Unfortunately, executives from all major networks have refused to offer The Inquisition any deals for appearances on any of their shows.
"We'd like to," said one executive, "But when we came to negotiate, we saw it wouldn't work - it seems to have been horribly disfigured by the accident." Curiously, before-and-after photos reveal that The Inquisition looks pretty much the same as it did before.
Support for The Inquisition can be shown by sending cash, checks, money orders, jewelry, gemstones, barter goods, or attractive sinners. And incidentally, I think spanking has a *fine* role in this religion.
The Inquisition is pleased to announce the formation of the Goddess Party, an independent political organization which is entering the presidential race for lack of any better ideas. Our nominee for president is, of course, the Goddess herself, although this is probably going to come as a bit of a surprise to her since the nomination committee met in secret in the dead of night in a locked basement in an abandoned building in a disreputable part of town and all members of the committee save one were ritually executed following the vote. Surprise!
The proposed candidacy slate is as follows:
President - The
Goddess
Vice-President - Chief
Pontiff and Goddess-in-Training
Proposed post-election appointments are as follows:
Press Secretary - Chief
Evangelist
Secretary of Education - Archangel of "For Me To Know and You to Find
Out"
Secretary of Defense - Judicial Champion
White House Chief of Staff - Master of Protocol
Attorney General - Official Smiter of All That
is Nasty and Evil and
Just Plain Wrong
Secretary of Energy - !
The Ghost
Surgeon General - High
Inquisitor
Drug Czar - High
Priestess and Official Non-Dairy Creamer
Secretary of Occasional Maintenance - Chief Dervish
Colonel in the Basement - Sacrificial Altar Boy
The official party platform (not all parts of which need be endorsed by the candidate) are as follows:
1) Free hair-fiddling for everyone, followed by cookies
2) Mandatory minimum death sentence for Play-Doh throwing, Goddess frying, or lasting fewer than three seconds
3) Religious tolerance for all, although non-Goddess worshippers will be cast into the Flaming Pit of Rancid Political Analysts
4) Within first hundred days in office, the budget will be balanced, the economy will be revitalized, the armed forces will be dissolved with the sole exception of the Judicial Champion and replaced by an enormous social services organization, taxes will be abolished, all laws will be rewritten so that they are fair, just, and free of any ambiguous language, poverty, disease, and psychological troubles will be unknown, our own and several neighboring galaxies will be fully explored, mapped, and analyzed, free food and housing will be provided for all, all environmentally damaging practices will be outlawed and replaced by safe, efficient, clean technologies, all past environmental damage will be cleaned up by the polluters themselves, world peace will be enforced, all sexual practices, modes of free speech, and harmless recreational activities will be legalized, prejudice will be abolished, crime will be abolished, equal pay will be given for equal work, all children will be raised by the entire community and anyone not happy, loving, or attentive will be shot, and all this will be accomplished without the need for thought control, excessive violence, restrictive practices, or unnecessary roughness. Additional suggestions for this program (abolition of work, unified world government, whatever) will still be entertained as the platform is still somewhat flexible.
5) The second hundred days shall be devoted to having and enormous celebratory party.
6) The rest of the tenure shall be devoted to ensuring that the Goddess will be re-elected.
As the Goddess, due to prejudicial political doctrines, is not on the ballot in any of the fifty states, we are currently working with the strategy of having a "massive write-in campaign". Funding is low, so our current policy is going out and hypnotizing everyone of voting age. The Goddess has also been banned from attending presidential debates on the grounds that she is "too charismatic, too impressive, the sheer power of her mighty intellect is so overpowering that if we let her speak, the current political parties would crumble like chaff before the onslaught of the unstoppable hurricane." We must protest this unfair ban and let those running the debate know that we are not just a nation of Democrats and Republicans - we are also a nation of lunatics.
<laugh>
"Colonel in the Basement"? I'm honored...I think...
Goddess in '96!!
yay! i get to be vice president! can i still wear my pope hat?
My God. I finally have a sincere, left-wing party I can vote for in good conscience. But then, what does this do to the separation of church and state? Also, why can't the Goddess appear in debates? I realise she's charismatic, but she might as well, 'cause she's a lot more coherent and sincere than either existing candidate. Of course you can say that about nearly everyone in the US who is *not* a politician...
I get to be the attorney general. I've always wanted to have my day in court. :)
left-wing? LEFT-WING????? the judicial champion is just trying to get me mad, right? :)
Hey, I get to be the apathetic non-voter.
--- disinterested third party
hey look! someone we can convert! sic 'im, evangelist!!!
Gabba gabba hey! YOU ARE ONE OF US!
wing on!
So, Mr. Disinterested Third Party person.... You obviously haven't considered the amazing positive flow of life energy force that is brought about by hair fiddling and cookies. If you had, you would KNOW that THIS is the ONLY WAY that you can avoid the HORRIBLE DOOM that awaits UNBELIEVERS! YEA, and they shall be CAST into the OUTER DARKNESS wherein the Collectors of Garbage and FILTH shall pluck them up and place them amongst those who Endure Less than Three Seconds, the Canola Mongers, and the People who Throw Play-Doh ANYMORE!!!!!
bravo! i hereby nominate the chief evangelist to sainthood.
;)
We could try putting mind-altering drugs into the cookies. that would help our chances, too. 8^)
and separation of church and state is no big deal....D.C. isn't a state. 8^)
Current polls show that right at the moment, we rank ninety-seventh in the race, just behind tupperware but just ahead of Bob Dole. While this is quite good for a new party, we still need to build up a lot more steam if we want to have a chance against front-runners like Clinton and Bill the Cat. Focus groups suggest that a catchy slogan would be helpful. Suggestions would be most welcome. So far, we've come up with a couple. We thought perhaps something emphasizing our high moral stand might be effective, so our first attempt was:
Objections have been raised to this one because it doesn't rhyme. Another tack was to attempt to demonstrate our group receives little money from PACs - i.e., we're "poor" enough to be "pure". Our best so far on that theme is:
Anyone have any better ideas?
Indigo = the Goddess
why, i've never turned a trick in my life, and i have no plans to do so in the future, even if indigo does not win the election.
unless it would pay better than my current job, of course...
Since you work for the U, it might...
probably. but i promise to only turn tricks for political and economic purposes, and never as recreation.
we could do t.v. advertisements like the republicans...except where they do it in the "Fact: Clinton sacrifices small animals at midnight" we could do:
or as a shorter slogan:
"Indigo: as american as hair fiddling, chocolate, and baklava"
oh you're forgetting the other ponyman of the acopolypse what's his name... everyone keeps forgetting.
oh, yeah, Pointless. 8^)
or perhaps we should change his name to Lethe, or AbsentMinded
OK, here's the idea for our first commercial spot of the election campaign:
[START IN BLACK. SOFT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS. FADE IN TO THE ENTIRE RELIGIOUS HIERARCHY PLAYING THE MUSIC AS A COMBO IN THE BACKGROUND. IN FRONT OF THEM STANDS INDIGO, WEARING SOMETHING BLACK, SEQUINED, AND LOW-CUT.]
INDIGO [sings]: You ain't been blue,
That feeling goes stealing
Down to my shoes
While I sit and sigh,
Go 'long Blues.
Always get that Mood Indigo
Since my baby said goodbye.
In the evening when the lights are low,
I'm so lonely I could cry.
'Cause there's nobody
Who cares about me -
I'm just a soul who's
Bluer than blue can be.
When I get
That Mood Indigo,
I could lay me
Down and die.
So what do you all think? I'm particularly fond of the way that it focuses attention on the issues.
Hooray for our team
I assume we don't really have to be able to play instruments... ;)
of course not. except for me....if i'm gonna beat bill clinton,
i'd
better be able to be better at sax than he is. 8^)
tres cool. what better way to say that the office of the
presidency is
all show....
Well, I'd vote for you... :)
I don't suppose there's any chance we could join forces with The
Raving
Monster Loony Party, is there? Between our lack of press
coverage, and
their being British, neither has such a great chance of winning
right
now, and I figure a merger between the two groups might tilt the
balance
in our favor.
BLASPHEMER!
The Monster Raving Loony party should join with US! Not us with
THEM!
Oh, sure, they've got seniority, but WE are on the side of RIGHT!
WE have
a GODDESS who is RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT!!!!
the monster raving loony party is dead. we don't want to be
aligned
with them, cos then we would be aligned with a group that no
longer
exists, and then we'd seem all out-of-touch.
the real secret to winning an election is simple bribery. now,
we
must consider what sorts of assets we, as a political party and
governmentally-recognized tax-deductible religion, have that we
could
potentially use to bribe the masses:
i think it is plain to see that in order to win this election, we
must begin baking cookies at once! there are only a couple of
weeks
left, so we must inform the uninformed voter of our bribe: one
vote
will mean ten whole cookies personally made under the supervision
of the next president of the united states, mood indigo. we can
even throw in a promise that she will sing to all of the bowls of
cookie dough before they get cooked. i think the american people
are ready for this kind of bold and determined leadership.
Well, the results are in, and I am sorry to say that our party
garnered
less than .000000000000000000000000000000001% of the vote. While
this
put us comfortably ahead of Dole, it still means we lost the
election.
However, it also means that FEWER PEOPLE VOTED FOR THE
GODDESS THAN
WE HAVE MEMBERS OF OUR RELIGION. The obviously
corrolary is that
THERE ARE MEMBERS OF OUR RELIGION WHO DID NOT VOTE FOR
THE GODDESS.
As Lord High Grand Master Inquisition, Tactical Theoretician, and
Creative Consultant At Large, I must unfortunately point out that
this can mean only one thing . . .
HERESY!
I will not rest until the turncoats have been unveiled and
punished.
They shall face the wrath of a silly-looking person in fishnet
stockings,
a filmy skirt, and a vest with no shirt holding legos and
screaming,
"WHO'S LAUGHING NOW? WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?!!!" for no particular
reason.
They shall sit in the comfy chair and face our chief weapon of
fear
and surprise, gosh darn it! So everyone who betrayed our cause,
please
'fess up so that you can be persecuted, prosecuted, executed,
lacerated,
macerated, and incarcerated. These services will be provided
solely on
a first-come, fisrt-served basis, so sign up early.
The first execution will be of myself, since I voted for Nader.
non-physical entities may neither vote nor be tortured.
oh, well, looks like it's time for a second incarnation (note
that i did
not say "second coming"....ahem) since i voted against dole the
most
effective way i could think of....by voting for clinton.
ditto. especially since in the primaries i voted against buchanan
by voting
for dole.
You could always have voted for Browne. ;)
Anything the Goddess does is by definition not heresy, even if it
is
something which would be considered heresy if done by anyone
else;
the Goddess, if she wishes, may fry herself in canola oil, throw
Play-doh, or orgasm 562 times in under a minute, without fear of
reprisals by The Inquisition.
and. well. i have to confess. i did not vote goddess party.
interestingly, i voted against clinton the most effective way i
knew
how, by voting for dole. i was really hoping for a tie...
And I voted Libertarian. Oh, nice Inquisition, PLEASE torture me
first!
no no! torture *me* first!!! i believe i reserved the lego
hallucinogenic drugs as my torture device
there's going to be a spanking
cool! and after the spanking...THE ORAL SEX!
Let me go in there and face the peril.
no no no we have to go and find the holy grail
...too bad. all i've got is the holy flail. 8^)
Crom was Conan's God. Don't think he had a Goddess. But if he did, it
probably wouldn't be Indigo. She's not much into slaying and brutalizing,
is she?
belldandy sucks. skuld rules!!!!!!! almost as much as indigo, even.
if skuld made better chocolate chip cookies, i might have to change
religions...
Well, our religion has been awhile now, so I decided to check around to
see exactly what the world at large thought of us. And, I am pleased
to say, I discovered that . . .
Here's what people are saying about our religion:
hey! somebody didn't invite me to the zombie seducing?!?!?
<sniffle>
...protected as it is by the KPH Pledge.
and compassion...or at least, false empathy with the suffering
folk,
wherever they are, sells...
A Very Nice
Person, October 18, 1996, 12:49 PM
Judicial Champion, October 18, 1996, 3:58 PM
Chief Evangelist, October 18, 1996, 6:11 PM
Pope G.I.T., October 18, 1996, 6:21 PM
1. hair fiddling expertise
2. lots of white wolf gaming books
3. videotapes of "ranma 1/2" and other cute anime
4. post-modern angst
5. chocolate chip cookies
The Inquisition Reads The Results
November 6, 1996, 10:28 AM
A Mixed Reaction
! The Ghost, November 6, 1996, 12:07 PM
Goddess, November 6, 1996, 12:38 PM
High Priestess, November 6, 1996, 12:53 PM
Justin Pinnow (A Passerby), November 6, 1996, 1:43 PM
The Inquisition Defines Something
November 6, 1996, 2:09 PM
We're All Certified Loonies
Pope G.I.T., November 6, 1996, 5:26 PM
Judicial Champion, November 6, 1996, 6:46 PM
Pope G.I.T., November 7, 1996, 12:39 PM
High Priestess, November 7, 1996, 12:43 PM
Pope G.I.T., November 7, 1996, 7:35 PM
Judicial Champion, November 7, 1996, 9:25 PM
Pope G.I.T., November 8, 1996, 10:39 AM
Goddess, November 8, 1996, 10:42 AM
Conan T Barbarian, November 12, 1996, 1:17 AM
Pope G.I.T., November 12, 1996, 5:22 PM
The World Reviews
The Inquisition, November 25, 1996, 2:40 PM
". . . In my years of working as a reporter for CultWatch
magazine, I
have covered religions which advocated - and practiced! - such
activities as gopher mutilation, goatsucking, and the complete and
total annihilation of all human life on earth by the most depraved
and painful means imaginable. But never, in all that time, have I
ever come across a cult as twisted, as horrifying, as downright evil,
and, arguably, as dangerous as so-called 'Indigo Goddess Worship'
. . . [this] cabal of amoral hate-drenched power mongers will stop
at literally nothing to achieve their ends, which include, but
are not limited to, total world domination and complete subjugation
of everyone on earth BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. It takes only minimal
research to discover this much, since they have the gall to
casually mention it in their own press releases. Further research
reveals a history of deviance and deadly depravity which would make
the most hardened morgue-worker vomit . . . Perhaps the only being
on earth who exceeds the vileness of this cult's followers is the
cult's leader, the Manson-like 'Goddess' whose every whims are
obeyed by her fawning flock. And her whims are legendary for sheer
horror-value. Reading this 'Goddess'' dictums are a dizzying plunge
into the bottomless pit of completey antisocial psychosis and
amorality . . .
". . . I fully expect to be killed as a result of what I have
said
here, despite the pains I have taken to conceal my identity - either
killed or turned into a grinning, lobotomized 'Goddess-worshipper',
as have so many others who were seduced into the religion by the
vaguely obscene hedonisms they offer to tempt fools into joining,
such as hair-fiddling and chocolate chip cookies . . . I am sure
my death will appear 'accidental', and I am sure that no member of
the religion will be seen anywhere nearby - if they can even be
identified, for photographs of the 'Goddess' are notoriously
difficult to obtain . . .
". . . Already they have literally thousands of programmed,
mind-controlled, seduced zombies obeying their commands . . .
before this goes any farther, they must be stopped by, to use
their own words, ANY MEANS NECESSARY . . ."
- CultWatch Magazine, October, 1996
"Documents regarding the 'Indigo Goddess Religion' cannot be
released
to the public, for reasons of National Security. Furthermore, no
such documents exist."
- Unnamed FBI agent, November, 1996
"The 'Indigo Goddess Religion'? It's a MYTH, I tell you, a
MYTH!
No such political party ran in 1996! Why do you all keep hounding
me, tailing me, PERSECUTING ME???!!!! GO AWAY! ALL OF YOU!"
- White House Press Secretary, in a press meeting that was never
shown on US television stations, November, 1996
". . . Although this religion claims to be 'new', that is
actually
a clever ruse to cover the fact that its roots go all the way back
to ancient Atlantis, where the 'Indigo Goddess', mistress of
Perversion and Scritchies, was the ultimate deity in what was
perhaps the very first pantheon worshipped by humans. It is
unknown whether the present-day followers believe their leader
to be an incarnation of this divinity, a pope-like leader, or
whether she really exists at all . . . the lack of photographs
have made me suspect that the current ringleaders of this ancient
hell-cult are using a ressurection [sic] myth to keep the masses in
line . . .
" . . . Why this ancient world-conquest conspiracy has decided
to re-emerge once more into the public eye is obvious - their
power base has finally grown to the extent that secrecy is no
longer necessary, and publicity is now what they seek. Indeed,
their EXTREMELY narrow defeat in the 1996 election - which went
almost unreported by the 'Mainstream' press - demonstrates that
the tendrils of this organization have plunged themselves into
the minds of millions . . ."
- The Lone Gunman Magazine, November, 1996
"I like it. I like hair fiddling. Hair fiddling is good.
Chocolate
chip cookies are good. Good, good, good."
- A random lobotomized zombie clone goddess-worshipper
"No! No! Hair fiddling is the work of Satan! I will never -
AAAAAAAAAAA! NOOOOOOO! NOT THE GIANT LEECHES!!!! I will never -
AAAAAAAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAAAAAA! All right! All right! Do it!
Scratch . . . my head. Scratch my head (sob)."
- Prominent leader of a major American religion, in a private
interview with The Inquisition, September, 1996. Name of leader
withheld as long as blackmail payments continue.
"Hair fiddling? COUNT ME IN!"
- The President of the United States, shortly before he was
"replaced"
by a CIA clone, October, 1996. This went largely unreported.
The Pope G.I.T. Dissents
November 25, 1996, 5:11 PM
i feel all left out now... <pout>
Here
Ends The Current
Report....