Who Would Have Thought The Goddess Was Camera-Shy?

Some Important Facts About This Particular Goddess

She is a Whimsical Goddess. A Low-Maintenance minor Goddess with a modest benefits package.

When she achieved her divinity has not yet been revealed. Nor what she plans to do with it.


The official smiley of the Goddess.

*shrug* Don't ask me. I just record 'em, I don't make 'em up.

The First Commandment

The First Commandment is the earliest one, and That Commandment is:

  • Thou Shalt Not Be 2secondman. Or 2secondwoman.

    The implications of This Commandment are, frankly, staggering. But since there are no Theologians as of yet, we're not certain what those implications are. But we do suspect that it may be against our religion to have a quickie.

    The Second Commandment

    The Second Commandment is more a Comment, really, but who are we to judge our Goddess?

  • Blessed are the Hair Fiddlers, for Cookies will be theirs.

    This one's pretty self-explanatory.

    The Third Commandment

    The Third Commandment is a prohibition, and a warning.

  • Thou shall not deep-fry thy Goddess.

    For the Sacred Oil must not be Canola. Or 10W40, either.

    The Fourth Commandment

  • Thou shall not throw Play-Doh any more.

    For the throwing of Play-Doh irks the Goddess something fierce, especially when it's hers.

    And the Chief Dervish is Play-Doh-impaired, but that's irrelevant.

    The Miracle of the Coke Can

    Henceforth let it be known that in the early days of February, 1996, the Miracle of the Coke Can occurred, and it was miraculous.

    And it is written that late Thursday evening, February 1, 1996, the Goddess did drink about half a can of Coke.

    And it is passed down from mother to child in the oral histories of the land that the Goddess did leave the can of Coke half-drank and sitting out on a table. Neither was it refrigerated nor was it cold downstairs that evening.

    And it is sang amidst the stars that the next morning, even as prophesied, when Rob the Unbeliever reached out to touch the Holy Relic, it was still cold, even as if it had been refrigerated, although it had not been, nay, had in fact been left out in a room whose temperature was even as Room Temperature. And Rob did touch the Can, and was at once perplexed and enlightened.

    The Maintenance

    Low-Maintenance minor Goddesses only require the occasional tune-up, and need their oil changed every 30,000 miles (or three months). This is the responsibility of the Chief Dervish, or at least he hopes it is....

    The Worshippers

    At present, there are only ten (and a Ghost). But their devotion makes up for their lack in number. These worshippers consist of (in alphabetical order):

  • Archangel of "For Me To Know and You to Find Out"
  • Chief Dervish
  • Chief Evangelist
  • Chief Pontiff and Goddess-In-Training (G.I.T.)
  • High Inquisitor
  • High Priestess and Official Non-Dairy Creamer
  • Judicial Champion
  • Master of Protocol
  • Official Smiter of All That is Nasty and Evil and Just Plain Wrong
  • Sacrificial Altar Boy
  • ! The Ghost

    Before I forget, here is where the Goddess' Cover Page will be just as soon as I can get hold of a picture. In the interim, here is the connection to her actual page.

    The Goddess' Secret Name

    Er...actually, it's a secret. Sorry. And every time I've mentioned the Goddess' pets' or plants' secret names, the aforementioned pets (or plants) have been brutally assassinated by the Devilish Forces of ... someone.

    Religious persecution or diabolical entropy? You be the judge.

    The Inquisition

    Truly, The Inquisition is formidable. Here are its reports. Read them ... if you dare!

    The Schism

    Sadly, we are not all as one in this conflict of opinion. But we are as two or three or so. Tune in to discover The Truth, as well as all the Wrong Opinions.

    The Pope Says

    The Pope G.I.T.'s adverbs are infallible, so we often pay attention to what she has to say.

    The Fate Worse Than Jeff

    We are uncertain what this is, but we fear it all the same. However, we are certain that it is reserved for violators of the Third Commandment.


    This page is maintained by the Chief Dervish, and adheres to the KPH Pledge.