There Oughta Be Bigger Shrimp
The Very First Moral-less Fable™
by John Cady

This would be a meaningless graphic, a pointless waste of bandwidth that adds nothing to the story and only drags out the already painfully slow process of receiving information over the Web.
Chapter 1: But Not for Cary Grant

It was a beautiful day for a ball game, but Sarah was busy. There was the lawn, laid out in classic Sumerian worship format -- the trees were even planted upside down. But something wasn't right, and Sarah had stood there staring at the lawn all day, wondering what it was.

"oh my god, that's it" she finally sighed. Sarah wandered over to the welcome mat, flipped it upside down, and spray-painted onto it the magical phrase: GO BRUINS. She stepped back.


The sky opened up, a blinding light shot down, and the house was instantly clad in a meadowlark blue aluminum siding, completely ensconcing the ugly old stucco which clung to the house like Miracle Whip™.

"thanks," Sarah said to the sky, and flipped over the mat.

"That's a pretty neat trick," said a passing olive manufacturer. "I don't suppose you have any spells for brainstorming ideas?"

"i don't really do spells," answered Sarah. "the sumerians owed me a favor. what kind of idea do you need?"

"You remember pimentos?"


"I invented that. Pimentos in the olive."

"by the way, what are pimentos?"

"I'm not sure. They're red. Red and green are complimentary colors."

"ah." said Sarah.

"I've run out of pimentos finally, and I wouldn't know where to get more. What I need is something new to put into my olives, something exciting."

"why don't you try small car parts."

"Such as?"

"ball bearings, dashboard leds, you name it. people always need car parts."

"So it's like Crackerjack?"


"You're something, Sarah," said the manufacturer, and whistled offstage.

On to Chapter 2...

This story © 1994 The Lounge Life Press

other books by John