A Spoon-testing plant, mid-day. The tension is so thick, you could read a newspaper with it. Clyde the headtester is seated at table #1. In front of him (on the table) is a plate of linguine, a bowl of split-pea, and Acme Utensil's latest invention: the whiffle spoon.

Made of durable lightweight plastic, the whiffle spoon sports four pea-sized holes, in the bowl. It is touted as the ultimate calorie saver.

Clyde lifts the spoon, elegantly, slowly, respecting its awesome power. Ploosh. It dips into the soup. Shloop. It rebounds toward Clyde's mouth. Four peas plug the holes. Clyde gets a spoonful of soup. What a terrible disaster.

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If I Had a Porch
1995 John Cady & his Lounge Life Press