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Friday, September 24, 2004

Debate Questions

Via Michelle, I found out that the Rude Pundit is asking people to come up with the one devastating question that will destroy Bush in the upcoming debates. I'm not sure if my ideas would qualify, but they sure are fun to come up with! These are my questions:
  • Mr. President: Was there something Oedipal in your rejection of the sound reasons your father gave for not marching on Baghdad in 1991, when Saddam had weapons of mass destruction, and your proceding to invade in 2003, when he had none?
  • Mr. Bush: We've all heard the touching story about how you gave up drinking. Could you please tell us the story about how you gave up cocaine? If you did give up cocaine, that is.
  • Mr. President: Please explain to the families of the 1050 American war dead and 8000 wounded how they are better off with Saddam out of power.
  • Mr. Bush: Are you really this stupid, or is it all just an act? We've got a bet going back at the office.
  • Mr. President: Your father said that people who disclose the identities of CIA agents are the most insidious of traitors. One of these traitors has been operating in your administration for over a year now. Why haven't you done something about it?
  • Mr. President: You enjoy the power of incumbency, you've raised more money than any candidate in history, and you've got one of the shrewdest and meanest political operatives ever running your campaign. Your opponent, old horseface over there, went to the same school, was a member of the same club, has utterly failed to differentiate himself from you or your policies, and has all the charm of an overripe banana. Still, the polls indicate that the race is a dead heat. Doesn't this suggest to you that you are, as Dick Gephardt would say, a miserable failure?
  • Mr. President: Will you be sneaking into Baghdad for Thanksgiving breakfast again this year? And will you be serving plastic turkey again, or will it be lame duck?
  • Mr. President: Will Jenna and Barbara be exempted from the draft when you reinstate it early next year?
  • Mr. President: Today, the air force bombed a house in Drambuie, claiming that al a Bama terrorists who had crossed the border from Krudekistan were using it as a base of operations. Several women and children were killed, and others injured. Are these attacks really necessary? (Hint: A trick question to see if he has any clue at all. If not, is he so heartless as to kill innocent fictional women and children in a fictional city to help rid it of a fictional terrorist organization based in a fictional country?)
  • Mr. Bush: Your campaign chairman, Marc Racicot, wouldn't tell John Stewart what the October surprise is going to be? Will you tell us?
  • Mr. Bush: Do you intend to try to steal the election again if you lose again? What steps has Jeb taken so far in Florida to guarantee your victory there?
  • Mr. Bush: Do you believe in the rapture, and are your policies deliberately designed to bring on the apocalypse?