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Wednesday, December 03, 2003

Caucasian Chalk Circle
Michelle is making an admirable attempt at explaining what's happening in Georgia. I just read it, and I'll have to admit I'm pretty confused. Which I think means Michelle's doing an excellent job; if you think you know what's happening there, then you probably aren't paying attention.

It occurred to me that Condi Rice may be having problems explaining the situation to aWol as well, given that he's an idiot, while she's either an idiot or does a good imitation of one. Let's imagine their conversation.

Condi: Mr. President, there are some issues in Georgia that need your attention.

aWol: Well, I'll be in Atlanta next week for a fundraiser. Maybe I can talk to somebody then? How about that Zell Miller guy--I'll talk to him.

Condi: Not that Georgia, sir. The one that used to be in the Soviet Union.

aWol: You're pullin' mah leg, right? Georgia in the Soviet Union? Is there still a Soviet Union?

Condi: No sir. It broke up back when your Daddy was president. Now it's a bunch of little countries, including Georgia. NOT our state Georgia, sir, the one in the Caucuses.

aWol: I thought I didn't have to worry about the caucuses since no Republicans are running against me.

Condi: The Caucuses are a mountain range, sir.

aWol: Well, we got through them in 2000, we'll do it this time. So what were you tellin' me about?

Condi: They had a crooked election in Georgia.

aWol: I know. Thank God! That Max Cleland was nothing but trouble. Always flaunting his triple ammuni-...ampura-...that he only has one arm and no legs. Like he's some sort of hero or something. Thank that Diebold guy for me again, willya?

Condi: Yes, sir. No, sir, the crooked election was in the other Georgia, in the Caucuses.

aWol: Whatever. So we want to fix it?

Condi: Well, they've already overturned the results of the election and replaced the government.

aWol: Hmmm...that's a dangerous precerent. Should we change it back?

Condi: No sir. Shevardnadze wasn't doing what we wanted, so he had to go. We like the new guy, Saakashvili.

aWol: Does he have a nickname?

Condi: Not that I know of, sir.

aWol: Well make one up for him, willya?

Condi: Right away, sir. I think we need to get someone over there to talk to him so we can get our pipelines built.

aWol: They've got oil?

Condi: Not much, but there's lots of oil on the other side of them. We need to be able to run pipelines through Georgia to keep it out of the hands of the Russians.

aWol: Okay. Tell Powell to fly to the capital tonight.

Condi: Tbilisi?

aWol: I doubt it. Colin's starting to get pretty feisty about goin' on all these trips.

Condi: You might want to talk with China's president before he goes.

aWol: And that's who?

Condi: Very good, sir!