OBL: They’ll Never Threaten America Again
(note: in case there is any doubt, this is SATIRE)
Arab satellite network Al-Jazeera has a new videotape purportedly from al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden. Bin Laden claims that there were several people in the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001 who were planning a massive terrorist strike on the US, one which might have killed millions.
“Compared to the number of lives saved, the collateral damage was tiny. In fact, it was probably the most precise terror attack in history,” bin Laden claimed. “These people were ruthless, and they had weapons at their disposal that could have killed most of the people in several US cities. While I don’t know whether these weapons were destroyed on September 11 or if perhaps they were sent elsewhere or even destroyed on September 10, one thing I know for certain: these people will never threaten America again.”
Unfortunately, bin Laden wasn’t available to answer the obvious questions, such as: Where are the weapons now? A lot of people died, but a lot got out—how do you know you got the right people? How did you know they were going to attack? Are you sure they were going to go through with it? Do you think you really had the right to kill all those people because you thought a few of them MIGHT do something bad? And since when have you cared a whit about the American people?
(note: in case there is any doubt, this is SATIRE)
Arab satellite network Al-Jazeera has a new videotape purportedly from al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden. Bin Laden claims that there were several people in the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001 who were planning a massive terrorist strike on the US, one which might have killed millions.
“Compared to the number of lives saved, the collateral damage was tiny. In fact, it was probably the most precise terror attack in history,” bin Laden claimed. “These people were ruthless, and they had weapons at their disposal that could have killed most of the people in several US cities. While I don’t know whether these weapons were destroyed on September 11 or if perhaps they were sent elsewhere or even destroyed on September 10, one thing I know for certain: these people will never threaten America again.”
Unfortunately, bin Laden wasn’t available to answer the obvious questions, such as: Where are the weapons now? A lot of people died, but a lot got out—how do you know you got the right people? How did you know they were going to attack? Are you sure they were going to go through with it? Do you think you really had the right to kill all those people because you thought a few of them MIGHT do something bad? And since when have you cared a whit about the American people?
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