Monday, April 17, 2006

If Mary Lynn Rajskub got more roles

Mary Lynn Rajskub, as if you didn't know, plays Chloe. I was talking to Bro Jim last night about the movie "Confessions of a Dangerous Mind." Drew Barrymore plays Penny, Chuck Barris' main squeeze (among many). I wondered how Chloe might play that role.
Penny: I'm a hippy now! Get over it.
Or maybe she could have played Rose in "Titanic:"
Rose: You know, Jack, you draw well and I guess you're kinda cute. But how do you manage not to kill yourself every day knowing you're a poor, shiftless loser who could only get on this ship by winning at cards, probably for the first time in your life? I know I would. Oh, I'm sorry, have I been inappropriate? I do that.
Or she could have been Rachel on "Friends."
Rachel: Well, Chandler, Joey, Ross, Monica and Phoebe are all dead. They were the best friends I ever had, and I treated them like dirt. What are you lookin' at?
Or Hot Lips on "M*A*S*H."
Hot Lips: Hawkeye, get me the third metatarsal from the sergeant and stick it into that corporal over there. Then plug that ventilator into that socket, and have the movie sent to my screen. NOW!
Or Meg Ryan's role in "Sleepless in Seattle:"
Radio caller: Hey Sleepless! Get a life.
Or June Cleaver on "Leave It to Beaver."
Wally: Hey, Mom. The Beave just fell off the roof. I think he's hurt.
June: Wally, the living room hasn't been dusted, the casserole's due out of the oven in, ah, 12 seconds, and your father will be home any minute. You're what, 14? Deal with it.
Eddie Haskell: Hello, Mrs. Cleaver. Don't you look nice today?
June: Shove it, Eddie. Why don't you go see what the Beaver has been up to, and do it yourself?
She could have been Mission Control in Apollo 13:
Lovell: Houston, we have a problem.
Mission Control: What you mean "we," Apollo 13? It's a climate-controlled 72 degrees here in Houston. We've got basically unlimited food and water, and we all get to go home when our shift is over. It's YOU that have a problem.
Maybe she could have gotten the CBS News anchor job instead of Katie Couric.
Mary Lynn: As you can see, the insurgents are operating at 87%, make that 88% efficiency, while the Marines' armor is down to 34% capacity and they have only three shells left. Oh, and another Parliament member just got offed. Looks like we're losing this war. Oh crap, I've been inappropriate again, haven't I?


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