Thursday, March 23, 2006

Audrey's a mole?

Wait until her daddy gets a hold of her!

So. Last week, CTU grew to the size of the U of M hospital. It took Jack forever to get from the conference room to where he could see the computer that needed hacking, and then it took Lynn another forever to actually get to it. Then, when Tony was threatening Henderson it took Jack another couple of minutes to get to the clinic, something Driscoll and Audrey did in about ten seconds last season. Of course, once Henderson finished off Tony, he was able to get clearly out of the building in about 15 seconds. Not to mention that all the bodies, even Edgar's, were cleared from CTU in about two minutes, using all that extra staff which magically appeared out of nowhere, having managed to avoid being gassed. I remember watching the commentaries on the DVD's from the first two seasons--they used to care about things like time. This season, LA and CTU are as big or as small as they need at any given moment.

Meanwhile, it appears that the Vice President is in on some dastardly plot to destroy the country. At least something this season is realistic. After his brother's death, Wayne Palmer apparently sat around for twelve hours before deciding he urgently needed to tell someone David trusted the critical information he possesses. Hey Wayne! You could have told Jack twelve hours ago!

And, for a plot intended to deliver nerve gas to attack Russians, the bad guys sure have a lot of contingency plans. They stole Lynn's keycard long before deciding to attack CTU, just in case. They hired Collette to get plans for some "distribution center" where they can kill 200,000--just in case. And I'm sure Naked Mandy is waiting in the wings with her crack team of nuclear-narco-lesbians ready to do unimaginable harm somewhere--just in case.

You've got to figure that the Audrey-Collette axis is like the Tony-Jack-Gael axis from season three--so secretive even the participants don't know they're a part of it until later. Other likely participants: Martha Logan's assistant, Evelyn, who has been adjusting her meds all day to gently tweak events in the proper direction. Kim's psych guy, who has been adjusting Kim's meds for years for just this moment. Mrs. Henderson, who took one just above the knee for the team. Mrs. Suvarov, of course, is in on it, as is Chase (he didn't want to run off on Kim--he "had no choice," like a woman in South Dakota). The last member of the counter-counter plot is Curtis, whose apparent incompetence is just a cover for his real incompetence. (Has Curtis ever gotten the drop on anyone? Jack knocks him out cold and he comes back for more, and the German agent got his gun from him in an Augenblick. And that's just this year. Chloe could so take him down!)

Of course the German agent is really one of the bad guys--the Collette thing was probably just a sting to distract attention away from him. He memorized the entire wet list in the ten seconds Jack let him see it, and sat-phoned it to Osama while he was kissing Collette in the parking lot.

Not sure why I keep watching--I guess seeing Jack rough up Audrey is something.

Anybody still reading this?


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