Why the chicken crossed the road...according to Burkett


GILLIGAN:  The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross. If not for the plumage of its peerless tail the chicken would be lost. The chicken would be lost!

THE CHICKEN:  I am crossing the road to block traffic to protest.........(thump)

JACQUES IVES COUSTEAU:  Zee cheecken, unaware of zee dangare beehind heem, crosses zee street. Weezout warning, zee Porsche strikes, and zee balance of zee nature ees maintained.

E.T. :  Chicken, phone home

SHERLOCK HOLMES:  It crossed the road because it was going to catch a train at Victoria Station at 4:30, to Edinburgh. And how did I know that? Observe, Watson, the patina of dust on the chicken's feathers, which indicates that it had been spending time in a library, reading about Scotland. And observe also that it was humming "Bonnie Lassie" as it waited to cross. Finally, and most important, observe the train ticket marked Edinburgh, stuffed under one wing, and the fact that Victoria station was where the chicken crossed the street, and finally that the only train to Edinburgh this afternoon is the 4:30....

ANY LATE EVENING NEWS ANCHOR:  The chicken crosses the road. Film at 11:00.

GERALDO RIVERA:  Stay tuned as a panel of chickens reveals the shocking truth.


BUGS BUNNY:  What's up, cluck?

C3PO:  Sir, according to my calculations, the odds of a chicken successfully navigating a road are 3,750 to 1 against.

COMMANDER DATA:  I do not know. Although I have compared all of my 437 billion data points relating to chickens and roads, there is no positive correlation between the two.

GEORGE LUCAS:  Because the Force was with it.

DARTH VADER:  Because it could not resist the power of the Dark Side.

QUI-GON GINN:  Not just one. Hear that? That is the sound of a thousand terrible chickens crossing the road. (from Star Wars: The Phantom Menace)

EDGAR ALLAN POE:  Quoth the chicken, "Nevermore!"

AGENT SCULLY:  There simply must be a rational, scientific explanation. Chickens don't just "cross roads".

ALMOST ANY SERIOUS LISTER:  No. I've already seen a chicken this month, year, day, trip, week, and it is on my life list, my Friday the 13th List, my millennium list.......

And finally...

Q:  Why did the vulture cross the road?
A:  The chicken was hit by a car.

-- by Cody Burkett, Phoenix, AZ

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