It's 5:30 a.m. and two amateur astronomers, binoculars around their necks and spotting scopes over their shoulders, are walking along a trail at a state park. They're returning to their car after several hours of stargazing as far as they could get from city lights. They are nearing the parking lot when one of them is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, his friend rips a stout, dead branch off a nearby tree, wedges it down through the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck.
A reporter for an area newspaper, an avid birder, is out for an early morning jog and he arrives at the scene just after the attack. He says, "Wow, what happened? Hey, I'm a reporter for the Times. Can you give me a story?" He starts writing in his notebook, speaking out loud... "Birdwatcher Saves Friend from Vicious Animal." "But I'm not a birdwatcher," says the hero.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you," says the reporter, and he starts again. "Birder Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack," he says, while jotting in his notebook. "I'm not a birder either," says the man.
The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Redneck Bastard Lister Kills Beloved Family Pet."
-- from Bruce Bowman, Ann Arbor, MI (an adaptation)
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