I didn't really expect Tevis to take the whole bodyguard thing so much to heart.  Of course, I hadn't remembered him quite when I suggested it.  I suppose that I should be happy that he's asserting himself; it's just shocking when he starts ordering me around.
     Jared joined us on the Wall while Fayne was patching up Mythos.  Jared stepped in to do one of his healing prayers.  I'm not sure how those work.  He told me that he prays to his god and the healing happens, but if his god is back where he came from how can that god affect things in other shadows or in Amber?  It seems more likely to me that Jared is using magic of some sort without realizing it.
     Fayne kept staring over the side of the Wall on the Chaos side.  I remembered the talks we'd had about finding out more about Chaos, and I wondered.  Fayne has a streak of impulsiveness and stubbornness that over rules common sense.  I could certainly see that he might view this as an opportunity.
     I wasn't too steady on my feet, so I did my best to stay in one place.  Still, some things had to be done.  I managed to get Luke's attention just as Fayne was bearing down on us.
     "Are you going after Aunt Gen now?"  Looking at him, I think I saw a reflection of my own realization that if Jakob really was dead, Gen wouldn't live much longer.  I suspect that Dara breaks her toys when she's angry.
     "I have to talk to the King first, but then I'm going."  His shoulders seemed to sag a little, and he looked down the Wall toward the chamber where my father lay.
     "Tevis is going with you."
     I should have expected the confusion.  Luke didn't have anything to say.
     Tevis, of course, did.  "You're not fit to make the trip," he pronounced.
     "I'm not going," I responded.  "You are."
     There are definite inconveniences to being as weak and tired as working on Merlin had left me.  Tevis had no trouble dragging me away from Luke and Fayne.  Neither of them attempted to interfere.  Indeed, I got the impression that Fayne was happily taking the opportunity to talk to Luke at last.  He's only been trying for the chance for days now.
     "Cordelia, I can't protect you if I'm on that side of the Wall and youíre in Amber."
     "I'll be fine.  You've been in the keep.  Luke's going to need all the help he can get."
     "The Wall's been breached.  Your father's unconscious, and your Uncle's leaving.  You'll be completely unprotected.  We still don't know who the person from the castle was.  You'll be helpless."
     I couldn't argue his points.  Russell and Rebecca, even with the addition of Brandon, aren't convincing bodyguards.  Still, if anybody really wants to kill or kidnap me, I don't think Tevis will be able to stop them.  Better to go a different road...
     "I owe my Aunt Gen a debt of gratitude.  She swore that she would do everything she could to get me out of there, and I left her behind."  He started to interrupt, but I continued over him, "I know.  We couldn't get her out too.  Then."   In the distance, I saw Luke turn dismissively away from Fayne.  "I want Luke to have all the help he can get.  I don't think he's willing to take Fayne."
     Tactical error apparently.
     "I can fix that."  He dragged me back to the area where Mythos, Jared and Fayne were and left me there while he advanced on Luke.  I didn't hear any of the ensuing conversation; something I regret greatly.
     Fayne was already trying to talk Mythos into going on the trip.  Jared didn't look entirely pleased, but Mythos gave me the impression that she liked the idea of the challenge.
     I sat down which was a great relief, and I must have said something about Tevis then.  I can't recall what.  I was rather fading in and out by then.  I seem to recall Fayne asking if I'd eaten and forcing me to drink something nasty even after I'd assured him that I had.  I believe that I gave some sort of incoherent explanation of my work with Merlin.
     This time Tevis had made the tactical error.  Mythos and Fayne both wanted him to go with them and were prepared to take steps to make sure he did.  Fayne offered to have Delilah take over for Tevis, and one or the other of the two adventurers managed to extract a promise from Jared to protect me.  Given the number of soldiers Jared was commanding, that was a pretty hefty potential group of guardians and an equally hefty group of potential assassins.  I didn't think that mentioning the last part was a good idea, so I didn't.
     Anyway, I let them propose their ideas to Tevis when he came back from talking to Luke.  Poor Tevis never stood a chance.  Jared's sincerity and devotion to whatever duty he accepts is glaringly obvious.  I'm surprised now that I was so nervous of him when I first met him.  I suppose I was more B932 then and less Cordelia.
     Mythos accused Tevis of cowardice.  That was a telling blow though not,  I think, in the way she intended.  Tevis, too, seems to have a sense of duty, and maligning him for standing by his obligations only strengthens his resolve.
     Finally, he looked at me.  I'd stayed silent throughout the debate.  "Do you command me to this?" he asked stiffly.  His voice implied that, while this was against his better judgment, my word was final.  He gives me too much power.
     I looked up at him from my slumped position and said, "Please."
     Jared arranged to get Merlin and me into a wooden vehicle of some type and back to Amber.  Fayne gave me a letter for Delilah which one of the soldiers delivered.  She showed up almost before we'd gotten Merlin into my bed.  I thought that that was the best place for him, the most spacious room and probably the most like his own in layout.
     Jared and I each had sad duties to perform.  His, I expect was harder than mine.  Russell and Rebecca are rather divorced from Evara.  Nothing they left behind, besides a few technological amenities, is really missed.  I think they understood what I told them about the invasion, but I find it so hard to tell.
     Jared, on the other hand, had to tell his grandmother that his grandfather died in battle.  I never met Lord Marshal Jenner, but his men seemed to feel great grief, and Jared himself, I think, mourns at least a little.  I can't even begin to comprehend what Gwyn must feel.  A love lasting that long is beyond the understanding of someone who has known so little of that emotion.
     Then I slept.  Rebecca lent me her bed.
     When I woke, the suite was filled with Jared's soldiers, royal guards and other armed and armored folks.  Delilah was playing some sort of solo card game that I'd never seen before.  One of the minions informed me that Merlin had been awake and offered to wake him for me.  I demurred.  My father needs his sleep right now.  Besides, I was hungry.
     After I ate, I asked about seeing Sarah.  Having Delilah was actually a boon.  I was certain that she would understand my reasoning and would be discreet.  I'd been worried about Tevis' reaction.
     Delilah's discretion proved even greater than I expected.  She stayed outside the door.  Tevis would never have done that.
     Sarah's desk was piled high with work that I was interrupting; there were other people waiting to see her.  I knew I had to hurry, but...  Starting wasn't easy.  She just waited calmly for a few moments, then asked, "Where is your bodyguard?"
     "I sent him with Luke when they went to go rescue Gen."
     "They?"
     Oh.  "Mythos and Fayne went along."
     A very long piercing look.  "Let us hope that your bodyguard isn't a traitor."
     I didn't have an answer for that.  I can't explain why I'm trusting Tevis.  It's too confusing and rests largely on my own judgment.  I'm also not sure what to do about this attitude that Tevis is "mine" if he isn't a traitor.  He's not some thing to be owned, and I will never own another thinking being.
     Finally--  "Does Amber still have a force in Evara, the Shadow that was the staging ground on this side of the Wall?"
     "Some forces are there."  She wasn't showing anything that I could read.
     "If it's possible..."  I looked down at the piece of paper that I was clutching.  "If it's possible, there are some men I'd like dead.  I just want it over with before Merlin wakes up enough to ask why."
     She looked at me for a moment.  "Are these men enemies of Amber?"
     That flustered me.  I'd expected her to ask why or something else similar.  "They're all members of the upper aristocracy."  I didn't sound convincing to my own ears.
     "The types that would act against Amber again given the chance?"
     Oh, she was giving me an excuse.  "Yes."
     She held out her hands for the list, and I handed it over.  Now for the second matter...
     "Russell and Rebecca, the children who are staying with me, have family in Evara.  I don't care about the father or the older brother; I don't think he's redeemable.  But there are three younger children.  Twin girls of about six and a younger boy.  I'd like to find them.  I can definitely draw a trump of one of the girls.  The family name is Stanislaus.  I don't think that the father was powerful enough to be plotting against us, but he was a social and political climber."
     "It's hard to tell with that sort."  I think she meant more by  that than what she said, but I still don't know enough to catch that sort of subtext.  "If it's possible, someone will look."
     It took me a moment to realize that the interview was over.  After a silence just a little longer than it should have been, I said, "Thank you," and got up.  Delilah joined me as I came out the door.  I wish I'd thought of something other than bodyguard duty as a way of protecting Tevis.  It's a real irritation.
     Back to the room.  I studied and drew and tried to pretend that the guards weren't there.  I engaged Delilah in conversation about the things I'd been learning and found the conversation fascinating.  Then Merlin woke up.
     He was dreadfully weak, but he wanted a full report of what had happened.  I didn't know all that much.  I told him about Mythos and Fayne's probable assassination of Jakob and about the Lord Marshal's death.  Then he asked about Luke.
     When I told him, he immediately tried to get up to go after his friend.  I didn't have any trouble pushing him flat on the bed, and he settled down after that.  He wasn't happy, but I'd made my point.  I told him that Luke hadn't gone alone.
     "I'm surprised Tevis was willing to leave you."
     "Well, Fayne lent me his bodyguard, and Jared promised to look after me (Hence the guards), and I said, "Please."  That didn't make him happy about it, but he went along."
     Merlin grinned weakly.  I find I miss seeing his full energy.  I don't really see what's so funny about the whole thing, but I suppose it's good for him to be amused.
     At about that point, he started falling back asleep.  I got some broth and fruit juice into him first.  Some of the guards were doubling as nurses.  Just as well.  I've never learned how to do that sort of thing.
     Hours later, there was a knock at the door.  I let one of the guards answer it.  I'd gotten the impression that it was bad form for some reason for me to do it myself.  I guess it's the possibility that someone might kill me in the doorway.  Since it would be a straight shot from the doorway to the table where I was painting, it seems pretty silly to me.  Oh well.
     Fayne had finally returned.  I told the guards to let him in and received a lecture about code words and phrases as an additional security measure from Fayne.  That rather convinced me that I wasn't talking to an impersonator.
     Fayne insisted on waking Merlin to tell him the good news.  They got Gen out alive.  She was drugged and not too healthy, but they got her.  I'd opposed waking Merlin, but Fayne's judgment on the subject proved better than mine.  The news obviously lifted a great weight from him.  He understood a different but no less terrible set of probabilities than I did.  He knows his mother; I know her type.
     Fayne took Delilah away when Tevis returned.  We went for a walk in the gardens, my first time outside since coming back from the Wall.  I could tell that he was still annoyed with me.
     "It was important for you to go," I told him.  "People here still don't trust you, and you've gained some important brownie points with powerful people."  I phrased it wrong.  I knew that almost immediately.  I think I also have more to do to help him heal.
     "Gaining brownie points isn't my job.  Keeping you alive is."  His tone told me that he wasn't talking about a job.  I'm all he has left for redemption.  He hasn't found Tevis yet except through me.  That's a terrible thing.
     "You can't do that if you're dead."  I didn't point out the fact that a single bodyguard wasn't going to help me if anyone really wanted to kill me.  I also didn't bring up the question of what he'll do if I die and he doesn't.  If someone really does want to assassinate me, that's a possibility to consider.  I hoped that the trip to rescue Gen would give Tevis an existence apart from me.  He's rejected that.
 

Back to Index
Back to Cordelia 19
Forward to Interlude 1
Forward to Interlude 2
Forward to Cordelia 21